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Some people support the development of agriculture, like factory farming and the scientific creation of fruits and vegetables, while others oppose. v.1

Some people support the development of agriculture, like factory farming and the scientific creation of fruits and vegetables, while others oppose. v. 1
A group of people believe that scientific approaches and advanced technology in agriculture activities brings a lot of benefits for societies, while others still maintain traditional ways. Both views have their own advantages and disadvantages, and the following essay will discuss in details, but in my personal opinion, I do believe that the old-fashioned ways are better. To begin with, many farmers are using technology and scientific approaches to managing their farms these days. They believe that by using technology such as tractors and dozers or using advanced chemical fertiliser, it will increase their productivity. However, many people do not realise that the usage of these advanced technological approaches has some side effects. For example, many fruits and vegetables that use pesticides have caused allergic diseases in human beings. And then, the over usage of pesticides in farming has made pests became more immune and made the ecosystem became imbalanced. On the other hand, some farmers are still using the old-fashioned ways. They manage their plantations using traditional tools such as using cows, horses and traditional carts. And they prefer to use natural seeds, rather than using special seeds, which was created by scientists. Although the productivity of these farms is definitely lower, they generate healthier foods for mankind. As a result, many people prefer to purchase organic fruits and vegetables nowadays, as they realise that qualities of these organic foods are better than the industrialised ones. In conclusion, it is a fact that some farmers are in favour of using advanced technology and scientific approaches in handling their farms, while others still use the traditional ways. Both approaches have their own benefits and drawbacks, but in my opinion, traditional ways are still better than the modern one, as organic foods are healthier for consumption.
A group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approaches
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in agriculture activities brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits for societies, while others
still
maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
. Both views have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages and disadvantages, and the following essay will discuss in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my personal opinion, I do believe that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
are better.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
farmers are using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approaches
to managing their farms these days. They believe that by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
such as tractors and
Possible spelling mistake found.
dozers
or using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
chemical
Possible spelling mistake. 'fertiliser' is British English.
fertiliser
, it will increase their productivity.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that the usage of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approaches
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
side effects.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fruits and vegetables that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
pesticides have caused allergic diseases in human beings. And then, the over usage of pesticides in farming has made pests became more immune and made the ecosystem became imbalanced.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
farmers are
still
using the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
. They manage their plantations using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
tools such as using cows, horses and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
carts. And they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
natural seeds,
rather
than using special seeds, which
was created
by scientists. Although the productivity of these farms is definitely lower, they generate healthier foods for mankind.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
organic fruits and vegetables nowadays, as they
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that qualities of these organic foods are better than the
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialised' is British English.
industrialised
ones.

In conclusion
, it is a fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
farmers are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approaches
in handling their farms, while others
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
. Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approaches
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits and drawbacks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
are
still
better than the modern one, as organic foods are healthier for consumption.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people support the development of agriculture, like factory farming and the scientific creation of fruits and vegetables, while others oppose. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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