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People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption? v.5

People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption? v. 5
It is believed that sugary drinks have been consumed more and more by residents in recent years. The highly addictive ingredients in these drinks are the main reason for this issue. This essay will be presented the reason and some solutions to tackle with this issue. On the one hand, sugar and caffeine, which are the main reason behind the growth of sugary drink consumption, are two addictive ingredients that found in almost drinks contain sugar. To begin with, caffeine and sugary help people increase their energy and provide them the concentration on their work, so the result of the work would be more effective. Moreover, sugar is really addictive that many residents in many parts of the world cannot give up consuming soft drinks or others that contain sweet flavour. For instance, Coke, which is the most drink that the youth consumes a lot and it also make the consumer feel better after drinking. On the other hand, there are a several methods that can be taken to decrease the sugary drinks consumed. Initially, the government should increase the tax on such products, so the numerous of consuming sugary drinks or soda will be declined. Besides, the norm sugar contents in products should also be significantly reduced. Furthermore, schools should educate student to give them a basic understanding of the harms and effects of drinking sugary products. To sum up, the proportion of sugary drink consumption would be reduced if those solutions are done by the government and resident.
It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
have
been consumed
more and more by residents in recent years. The
highly
addictive ingredients in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
are the main reason for this issue. This essay will
be presented
the reason and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to tackle with this issue.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
and caffeine, which are the main reason behind the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
consumption, are two addictive ingredients that found in almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
contain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, caffeine and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
increase their energy and provide them the concentration on their work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the result of the work would be more effective.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
is
really
addictive that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
residents in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world cannot give up consuming soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
or others that contain sweet
Possible spelling mistake. 'flavour' is British English.
flavour
.
For instance
, Coke, which is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
that the youth consumes a lot and it
also
Did you mean "makes"?
make
the consumer feel better after drinking.

On the other hand
, there are a several
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "method"?
methods
that can
be taken
to decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
consumed.
Initially
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should increase the tax on such products,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
The phrase 'the numerous of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the numerous of
consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
or soda will
be declined
.
Besides
, the norm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
contents in products should
also
be
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
Furthermore
, schools should educate student to give them a basic understanding of the harms and effects of drinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
products.

To sum up, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
consumption would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
if those solutions
are done
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and resident.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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