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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extant do you agree or disagree? v. 153 v.62

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extant v. 153 v. 62
Certain persons opine that music is a great way to promote cohesion among people of various cultures and age groups. And also can be beneficial for bringing people together. Admittedly, I do agree with the statement that music which is pleasant and widely acceptable can be used for promoting harmony, and I strongly believe that it will come true owing to a number of compelling reasons. To begin with, music is one of the forms of art which transcends boundaries of nations and capture attraction of the audience all around the globe. To put it differently, it is not uncommon to see soul lovers come enthusiastically together at festivals or other international events such as concerts despite belonging to different age, group or gender. However, there are certain factors Such as genre and lyrics, which can affect this. For instance, a person with a burning interest in classical, rock might not prefer to attend a western rock concert. Melody with profane and objectionable content might not be well-received by a particular sect of people and maybe makes communal disharmony. Hence, I believe that tune which is soothing, commonly understood and accepted can be used to promote bonding between people of different cultures and ages. Also, it is vital to monitor the content of the rock to assess the suitability for better acceptances. To be concluded, considering the points discussed above, the most rational conclusion to be drawn is that piece can be an excellent medium to unite people provided the limitation in the content and genre addressed.
Certain persons opine that music is a great way to promote cohesion among
people
of various cultures and age groups. And
also
can be beneficial for bringing
people
together.
Admittedly
, I do
agree
with the statement that music which is pleasant and
widely
acceptable can be
used
for promoting harmony, and I
strongly
believe that it will
come
true owing to a number of compelling reasons. To
begin
with, music is one of the forms of art which transcends boundaries of nations and capture attraction of the audience all around the globe.

To put it
differently
, it is not uncommon to
see
soul lovers
come
enthusiastically
together at festivals or other international
events
such as concerts despite belonging to
different
age, group or gender.
However
, there are certain factors Such as genre and lyrics, which can affect this.
For instance
, a person with a burning interest in classical, rock might not prefer to attend a western rock concert. Melody with profane and objectionable content might not be well-received by a particular sect of
people
and maybe
makes
communal disharmony.

Hence
, I believe that tune which is soothing,
commonly
understood and
accepted
can be
used
to promote bonding between
people
of
different
cultures and ages.
Also
, it is vital to monitor the content of the rock to assess the suitability for better acceptances.

To
be concluded
, considering the points discussed above, the most rational conclusion to
be drawn
is that piece can be an excellent medium to unite
people
provided the limitation in the content and genre addressed.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extant v. 153 v. 62

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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