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Many people try to look younger than their age. What are the reasons people do this? Do you think this is a good thing or a bad thing? v.12

Many people try to look younger than their age. What are the reasons people do this? Do you think this is a good thing or a bad thing? v. 12
It is undeniable that many people nowadays are trying to change their body image in order to appear younger. In fact, there are numerous reasons to such a big tendency, so it may have both positive and negative effects on individuals and society. Of all various reasons, the main one is youth obsessed mindset in society. Physical appearance turns out to be so crucial that it decides people’s social status; consequently, to make themselves presentable and convivial, people try to look younger than their official age. The second factor is that they don’t want to get old, so they hide the signs of aging to feel as young as a teenager. For instance, to become more physically active many people visit gymnasium, do yoga and eat healthy. As a result, they overcome ageing effects looking much younger and healthier. On the other hand, many individuals have become so obsessed with rejuvenation that they splurge on cosmetic products and surgeries. This in turn may have devastating impacts on their general health. Therefore, advertisements of cosmetic products, peer pressure and media influence overwhelmingly promote a false idea of beauty by modifying people’s perception of what real beauty is. Moreover, trying to look younger, thus to act like youngsters, people tend to ignore the wisdom that is supposed to come with ageing. In conclusion, the obsession with looking young is mainly resulted from media pressure and unwillingness to adopt reality. Pernicious effects on health, waste of precious time and money are the reasons to deem it as a bad thing. In my opinion, people need to realize that there is no harm in getting old and learn to appreciate the wisdom and maturity that come with ageing.
It is undeniable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays are trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their body image in order to appear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
. In fact, there are numerous reasons to such a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
tendency,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it may have both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on individuals and society.

Of all various reasons, the main one is youth obsessed mindset in society. Physical appearance turns out to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
crucial that it decides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
social status;
consequently
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
themselves presentable and convivial,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to look
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
than their official age. The second factor is that they don’t want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
the signs of aging to feel as young as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
.
For instance
, to become more
physically
active
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visit gymnasium, do yoga and eat healthy.
As a result
, they overcome
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
effects looking much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
and healthier.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
obsessed with rejuvenation that they splurge on cosmetic products and surgeries. This in turn may have devastating impacts on their general health.
Therefore
, advertisements of cosmetic products, peer pressure and media influence
overwhelmingly
promote a false
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of beauty by modifying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
perception of what real beauty is.
Moreover
, trying to look
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
,
thus
to act like youngsters,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the wisdom that
is supposed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
.

In conclusion
, the obsession with looking young is
mainly
resulted from media pressure and unwillingness to adopt reality. Pernicious effects on health, waste of precious time and money are the reasons to deem it as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thing. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to realize that there is no harm in getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and learn to appreciate the wisdom and maturity that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people try to look younger than their age. What are the reasons people do this? Do you think this is a good thing or a bad thing? v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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