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Some people say job satisfaction is more important than job security, others think people cannot always enjoy their jobs. So having a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people say job satisfaction is more important than job security, others think people cannot always enjoy their jobs. So having a permanent job is more important. v. 2
People have different views about what college or university leavers should choose. While some people think that job satisfaction is way more significant than a steady job, I believe that job satisfaction cannot be long-lasting and it is more essential to secure permanent jobs On the one hand, there are various reasons why several people believe that graduates should optative for job satisfaction and fulfilment rather than a fixed job. First of all, when a person has a sense of satisfaction, they might cooperate with other people better, which leads to higher productivity. On the contrary, if people are unplanned, they will have a risk of dropping out of the position since they have to undergo mental problems such as stress consistently. Another reason is that people who have been working for decades salary, maybe not so significant because they usually have had some wealth. Especially for some successful elites, their target may not be earning more money. On the other hand, I would argue that stability is also a crucial factor for many employees. In the current era, it is common that some companies go bankrupt suddenly and their employees become unemployed, due to which those unemployed workers may not afford the expense of their lives. That is why many graduates intend to choose some stable work, such as government officials since they do not have a huge working pressure and could receive a regular income. Working life –long and having a stable job fulfil the need of the family and have a happy satisfied life. This is because it meets family demand like school fee and provides the family with all requirements, defines happy family it gives rise to satisfaction level in life. In conclusion, although choosing a job with stability or a job with satisfaction can sometimes benefit, in my opinion, people should pursue a permanent occupation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about what college or university leavers should choose. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is way more significant than a steady
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
cannot be long-lasting and it is more essential to secure permanent jobs

On the one hand, there are various reasons why several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that graduates should
Possible spelling mistake found.
optative
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
rather
than a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, when a person has a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
, they might cooperate with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
better, which leads to higher productivity.
On the contrary
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unplanned
, they will have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of dropping out of the position since they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
undergo mental problems such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
consistently
. Another reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have been working for decades salary, maybe not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
usually
have had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
wealth.
Especially
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
successful elites, their target may not be earning more money.

On the other hand
, I would argue that stability is
also
a crucial factor for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
era, it is common that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
go bankrupt
suddenly
and their employees become unemployed, due to which those unemployed workers may not afford the expense of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
That is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
graduates intend to choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stable work, such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
officials since they do not have a huge working pressure and could receive a regular income. Working life –long and having a stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
fulfil the need of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and have a happy satisfied life. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it meets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
demand like school fee and provides the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
with all requirements, defines happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
it gives rise to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
level in life.

In conclusion
, although choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with stability or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
benefit, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should pursue a permanent occupation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say job satisfaction is more important than job security, others think people cannot always enjoy their jobs. So having a permanent job is more important. v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
310 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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