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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. v.3

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. v. 3
Today, many people believe that music fosters special connection between people who come from different backgrounds or age brackets. Personally, I completely agree with that point of view. To begin with, music enhances harmony and understanding between different cultures. In fact, music is considered as universal language, allowing everybody to understand and connect with each other. The reason is that although listeners might not understand the lyrics written in foreign language, they still could share the same emotions such as empathy or sadness when hearing certain rhythms and melodies. Besides, it is undeniable that music is always the reflection of the traditions and customs of its writer’s society. Therefore, attending musical performances of foreign musicians can help audiences learn about various cultural aspects of other nations such as their lifestyle, traditions and history. In addition, music also strengthens bonds between all age groups and generations. For instance, when people are interested in a certain type of music, they tend to join online forums or certain clubs to meet those who share similar interests. In such places, they can play music and sing together, developing their musical link and social closeness with people of all ages. Another illustration is the connection between the elderly and youngsters in festivals or social rituals where traditional songs are performed. In these events, different generations can enjoy traditional music together, or share ancient stories related to their community customs and origins, thereby enriching mutual understanding and bonding with each other. In conclusion, I fully support the idea that music creates a strong bond between people, irrespective of their ages and cultural origins.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
fosters special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
brackets.
Personally
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that point of view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
enhances harmony and understanding between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is considered
as universal language, allowing everybody to understand and connect with each other. The reason is that although listeners might not understand the lyrics written in foreign language, they
still
could share the same emotions such as empathy or sadness when hearing certain rhythms and melodies.
Besides
, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is always the reflection of the traditions and customs of its writer’s society.
Therefore
, attending musical performances of foreign musicians can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
audiences learn about various cultural aspects of other nations such as their lifestyle, traditions and history.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
also
strengthens bonds between all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups and generations.
For instance
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are interested
in a certain type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
online forums or certain clubs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
those who share similar interests. In such places, they can play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and sing together, developing their musical link and social closeness with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. Another illustration is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
the elderly and youngsters in festivals or social rituals where traditional songs
are performed
. In these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
generations can enjoy traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
together, or share ancient stories related to their community customs and origins, thereby enriching mutual understanding and bonding with each other.

In conclusion
, I
fully
support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
creates a strong bond between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, irrespective of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
and cultural origins.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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