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Some people say that shops should sell food products from the local area rather than sell food imported from other country's. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say that shops should sell food products from the local area rather than sell food imported from other country's. v. 1
Selling local food products is considered by many individuals to be effective instead of food items that are imported from othrer country's. In my opinion, I agree with this view point because of boosting the local economy and the less adverse effects on consumer's health. This is one of the indispensable causes why the local shopkeepers should sell native food products rather than imported food. That is to say selling the food items that is manufactured by any other country, might have several adverse ramifications on consumer's health. This would be happen due to including preprocessed food products in their diet. Because preprocessed food items contain an artificial preservatives which are used to increasing their shelf life means that to preserve the taste, the freshness and colour of such products. Undoubtedly, if food items preserve for longer period of time, their nutritional value will be decline. Therefore, by consuming them the consumers is more likely to be suffer from various diseases, such as heart diseases, breathing problem, and cancer. As a result, according to my perspective the shop owners should resist themselves in order to sell imported food items. Furthermore, If the shops sell domestic food products exclusively, nation's economy can be boost. When demand for own country's food items rises, definitely sale be enhanced. So, due to this the food manufacturing industries are more likely to enhance an employment opportunities, resulting in pay their contribution to enhance the GDP of their nation. For instance, a government with their higher revenues, can invest in the country's transport work, it's education system and it's hospitals. Thus, that's why I agree with the idea that local markets should have sold such products. In conclusion, although the preprocessed food, which is manufactured by other nation, can have better taste, but the local markets should sell locally manufacturing food items because such kind of items have minor repercussions on consumer's health. These will also advance the country's economy.
Selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals to be effective
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
that
are imported
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
othrer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country's
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view point
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of boosting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economy and the less adverse effects on consumer's health.

This is one of the indispensable causes why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shopkeepers should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sell
native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
rather
than imported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
That is
to say selling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
that
is manufactured
by any other country, might have several adverse ramifications on consumer's health. This would be
Consider using the past participle "happened"?
happen
due to including preprocessed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in their diet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
preprocessed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
contain an artificial
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "preservative"?
preservatives
which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to increasing their shelf life means that to preserve the taste, the freshness and
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Undoubtedly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
preserve for longer period of time, their nutritional value will be decline.
Therefore
, by consuming them the consumers is more likely to be
Consider using a past participle here: "suffered".
suffer
from various diseases, such as heart diseases, breathing problem, and cancer.
As a result
, according to my perspective the shop owners should resist themselves in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sell
imported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items.

Furthermore
, If the shops
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sell
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
exclusively, nation's economy can be
Consider using a past participle here: "boosted".
boost
. When demand for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
rises, definitely sale
be enhanced
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, due to this the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
manufacturing industries are more likely to enhance an employment opportunities, resulting in pay their contribution to enhance the GDP of their nation.
For instance
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
with their higher revenues, can invest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country's
transport work, it's education system and it's hospitals.
Thus
, that's why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
markets should have sold such products.

In conclusion
, although the preprocessed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, which
is manufactured
by other nation, can have better taste,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
markets should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sell
locally
manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
have minor repercussions on consumer's health. These will
also
advance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country's
economy.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that shops should sell food products from the local area rather than sell food imported from other country's. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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