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Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v.1

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 1
In today’s rapidly changing environment, many people fail to identify and differentiate between work and personal life. While many believe that there are certain advantages of devoting more time to work, others argue that enjoying personal life has more advantages. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of choosing work over personal life. Right from childhood, children are taught to race. Therefore, when they start their professional life, they usually get into the same mode. Thought giving importance to work life have its own advantages. Such as earning status in the office. Bosses often treat devoted employees with respect and take special care of them. Moreover, long work hours count for extra productivity which may increase chances of promotions and pay hike. On the other hand, leaving a little time for personal life have many more drawbacks. First of all, extended working hours lead up to the stressful life. Stress is a lifestyle disease and it is generally known to have harmful effects on a person’s life. Death due to excessive stress that to an early age is well known headline in newspaper nowadays. Moreover, because of this development people are losing hobbies. These hobbies used to keep people away from stress and give them a note of self-satisfaction. With no hobbies, place of self-satisfaction has taken by more stress. Last and most important point is that with spending more time at workplace, people often would not able to manage family commitments. Such as celebrating festivals with parents or outing with children and spouse. Missing these most important moments would cost a fortune in terms of mental health and the future of the person’s relationship. In conclusion, although there are some benefits of spending extra hours at work, the drawbacks certainly outweigh them.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
rapidly
changing environment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fail to identify and differentiate between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that there are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of devoting more time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, others argue that enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
. This essay will discuss the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages of choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
life.

Right from childhood, children
are taught
to race.
Therefore
, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the same mode.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Thought
giving importance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
. Such as earning status in the office. Bosses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
treat devoted employees with respect and take special care of them.
Moreover
, long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
hours count for extra productivity which may increase chances of promotions and pay hike.

On the other hand
, leaving a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more drawbacks.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, extended working hours lead up to the stressful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Stress
is a lifestyle disease and it is
generally
known to have harmful effects on a person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Death due to excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
that to an early age is well known headline in newspaper nowadays.
Moreover
,
because of this
development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are losing hobbies. These hobbies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
and give them a note of self-satisfaction. With no hobbies, place of self-satisfaction has taken by more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. Last and most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point is that with spending more time at workplace,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
would not able to manage family commitments. Such as celebrating festivals with parents or outing with children and spouse. Missing these most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
moments would cost a fortune in terms of mental health and the future of the person’s relationship.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of spending extra hours at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, the drawbacks
certainly
outweigh them.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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