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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together v.11

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together v. 11
It is believed that music is the best manner to relate different nations, older and youth together. I agree with this notion, and in this essay, I will give some reasons in favour to support my perspective. Frist and formats, I think that music plays an essential role in our lives. They are many kinds of music such as classical, rap and rock. The young and older usually argue in many aspects of life; however, the music can combine them together. For example, my grandparents and I like to listen classical songs of Abdalhalim Hafez who is a popular singer in 90th century. Furthermore, when I was a baby my mother played some songs to sleep me; although, I did not understand anything yet. Secondly, another reason why I support this notion is that tune reflects the culture of the countries. So that when you listen to alternative tunes, you will know others cultures. For instance, I frequently enjoy listening to the famous American Singer Called Michel Jackson; however, I do not know English. As a result, I learn this foreign language. It is also can say that melody relaxes persons, especially from the stress and pressure of life. For instance, some physicians use melody to calm their patients. In conclusion, I completely agree with the thought that melody vital task in our life. In addition to this it is considered as a bridge to connect cultures and generations.
It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the best manner to relate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations, older and youth together. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion, and in this essay, I will give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
to support my perspective.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Frist
and formats, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays an essential role in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
such as classical, rap and rock. The young and older
usually
argue in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of life;
however
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can combine them together.
For example
, my grandparents and I like to listen classical songs of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Abdalhalim
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hafez
who is a popular singer in 90th century.
Furthermore
, when I was a baby my mother played
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
songs to sleep me; although, I did not understand anything
yet
.

Secondly
, another reason why I support this notion is that tune reflects the culture of the countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that when you listen to alternative tunes, you will know others cultures.
For instance
, I
frequently
enjoy listening to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
American Singer Called Michel Jackson;
however
, I do not know English.
As a result
, I learn this foreign language. It is
also
can say that melody relaxes persons,
especially
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and pressure of life.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physicians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
melody to calm their patients.

In conclusion
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that melody vital task in our life.
In addition
to this it
is considered
as a bridge to connect cultures and generations.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
239 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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