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some people say that is important to keep your home and workplace tidy with everything organized and in the correct place v.1

some people say that is important to keep your home and workplace tidy with everything organized and in the correct place v. 1
Time has always had a great value for people because it cannot be replaced by anything else. However, people often choose to invest it in their professional life rather than their personal one. This essay will discuss why this trend has more disadvantages than advantages for people. To begin with, nowadays the time spent at work is increasing significantly. That could be seen as a good thing if we think about the opportunity work brings with it. For example, more productivity means more money, which leads to a better standard of life. Furthermore, a better quality of life also brings another advantage, the evolution of society. This is strongly connected with the fast evolution of technology, which makes people work more than in the past. In fact, it is an interesting paradox; technology makes our life easier but, at the same time, it makes us work more. However, people are working more extra hours so as to increase their incomes. Even if it looks like a chain of prosperity in fact, it is a vicious one, due to the sacrifices it requires from people. On the other hand, the more time spent at the work place means the less time for private life. The greatest drawback, in my opinion, is that people are becoming less connected with themselves and with their families and close friends. For example, a person who spends ten hours at work has a very limited free time, and most of it is used for regular domestic activities like cooking, shopping, maybe cleaning the house, so there remains too little time to communicate with other people. Another important downside is the lack of time to enjoy the achievements of the amount of work. Many people have a lot of money, but they do not have time to spend it. At some point they will come to realize that the time has passed and they do not have many things to be proud of, because they are alone and have a boring life. Too much work can cause serious psychological and physical health problems. Many people suffer from stress, depression, heart diseases and so on. So, too much work can have serious negative effects on people. In conclusion, time is, probably, our most precious asset we can deal with. I consider that spending more time at work has more bad points than benefits in the long term. At the end of the day, we must find the balance between professional and private life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
has always had a great value for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it cannot
be replaced
by anything else.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
choose to invest it in their professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
rather
than their personal one. This essay will discuss why this trend has more disadvantages than advantages for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nowadays the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is increasing
significantly
. That could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the opportunity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
brings with it.
For example
, more productivity means more money, which leads to a better standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Furthermore
, a better quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
also
brings another advantage, the evolution of society. This is
strongly
connected with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
evolution of technology, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more than in the past. In fact, it is an interesting paradox; technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working more extra hours
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
increase their incomes. Even if it looks like a chain of prosperity in fact, it is a vicious one, due to the sacrifices it requires from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place means the less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The greatest drawback, in my opinion, is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming less connected with themselves and with their families and close friends.
For example
, a person who spends ten hours at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and most of it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for regular domestic activities like cooking, shopping, maybe cleaning the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there remains too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to communicate with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
downside is the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to enjoy the achievements of the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend it. At
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to realize that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
has
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
passed and
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things to be proud of,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are alone and have a boring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can cause serious psychological and physical health problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, depression, heart diseases and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can have serious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is,
probably
, our most precious asset we can deal with. I consider that spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
has more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
points than benefits in the long term. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
find the balance between professional and private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay some people say that is important to keep your home and workplace tidy with everything organized and in the correct place v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
415 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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