Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many countries are currently witnessing an increase in criminal activity among young people. Discuss reasons for this phenomenon and suggest ways to deal with the problem. v.1

Many countries are currently witnessing an increase in criminal activity among young people. Discuss reasons for this phenomenon and suggest ways to deal with the problem. v. 1
Suggested by some people is that person who committed severe illegal actions should be given the death punishment. On the other hand, to execute people because of their crimes is already non-relevant in society these days. This essay will discuss the positive and negative impacts of these statements and then the conclusion will be provided at the end of the essay. To begin with, by carrying out the death sentence towards the particular perpetrator, whose man has done high level felony can give the society several advantages, two of which are giving the safe environment and reducing the level of misconduct to the community. Firstly, by executing the evil doers means that the evil human cannot go back to the real word. Thus no more wrong doing happen again in the human world. Secondly, the level of atrocity will be decreased because those who has the willing to do evil deeds are becoming scared. Eventually, they hopefully will think again their attitude and will come back as good person. However, there are disadvantages of this kind of policy. Every human has their rights to live and at some points in their life, they could change, including the criminals. Not giving them the chance to redeem themselves could lead into the human rights violation. Moreover, legalized killing has been banned by some countries in this world, as they believe that the perpetrator can change by giving them the community service jobs. In conclusion, death warrant is sometimes considered to be too cruel to be done, but I believe the kind of effort has to be done in order to make the peaceful world. I suggest that the judicial execution should be preserved because the benefits outweigh the drawbacks as explained in the paragraphs above.
Suggested by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
that person who committed severe illegal actions should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the death punishment.
On the other hand
, to execute
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their crimes is already non-relevant in society these days. This essay will discuss the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of these statements and then the conclusion will
be provided
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, by carrying out the death sentence towards the particular perpetrator, whose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
has done high level felony can give the society several advantages, two of which are giving the safe environment and reducing the level of misconduct to the community.
Firstly
, by executing the evil doers means that the evil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
cannot go back to the real word.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
no more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
doing happen again in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
world.
Secondly
, the level of atrocity will
be decreased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those who has the willing
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
to do
evil deeds are becoming scared.
Eventually
, they
hopefully
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
again their attitude and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person.

However
, there are disadvantages of this kind of policy. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
has
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular and thus take a singular pronoun: "his", "her", "his or her", "its"
their
rights to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points in their life, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, including the criminals. Not giving them the chance to redeem themselves could lead into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
rights violation.
Moreover
, legalized killing has
been banned
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries in this world, as they believe that the perpetrator can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
by giving them the community service jobs.

In conclusion
, death warrant is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
considered to be too cruel to
be done
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe the kind of effort
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be done
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the peaceful world. I suggest that the judicial execution should
be preserved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the benefits outweigh the drawbacks as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the paragraphs above.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many countries are currently witnessing an increase in criminal activity among young people. Discuss reasons for this phenomenon and suggest ways to deal with the problem. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts