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Some people say that international sports events make an important contribution to world peace. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say that international sports events make an important contribution to world peace. v. 1
There is an idea by some experts that a foreign language should begin at primary school instead of secondary school. Although this adds more of our children’s lessons, it is beneficial for our children to be more familiar with the foreign language. Initially, learning a second language is considered to be difficult because our own mother tongue makes us feel unfamiliar about our new language. So, introducing a non-native language at a very young age can make studying foreign language more easily. Most countries in Europe and Asia, where English isn’t their first language, for instance, Germany and the Netherlands, those governments made learning two languages since primary school mandatory. This helps students to be more comfortable with both their mother tongue and foreign tongue. As a result, both German and Dutch are now one of the world’s best non-native English speakers. Another advantage is learning a foreign language at primary school helps students to be more imaginative and benefits cognitive functions. One example is a study among students who study English and French and students who only study English, the result was students who knew two languages scored both intellectual and emotional intelligence. Also, students with only English fluency showed lack of comprehension in various literature. This showed us that there is a relationship between intelligence and knowledge of the foreign language. In conclusion, introducing a non-native language to our students in primary school makes them more familiar with the language and also increases their brain functions. Thus, it is beneficial for our children to learn a foreign language at primary school.
There is an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experts that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
instead
of secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Although this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
more of our children’s lessons, it is beneficial for our children to be more familiar with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
language.

Initially
, learning a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is considered
to be difficult
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mother tongue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us feel unfamiliar about our new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, introducing a non-native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
more
easily
. Most countries in Europe and Asia, where English isn’t their
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
,
for instance
, Germany and the Netherlands, those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
made learning two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
mandatory. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be more comfortable with both their mother tongue and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
tongue.
As a result
, both German and Dutch are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
one of the world’s best non-native English speakers.

Another advantage is learning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be more imaginative and benefits cognitive functions. One example is a study among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who study English and French and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
study English, the result was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who knew two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
scored both intellectual and emotional intelligence.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
English fluency
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
lack of comprehension in various literature. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
us that there is a relationship between intelligence and knowledge of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
language.

In conclusion
, introducing a non-native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more familiar with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and
also
increases their brain functions.
Thus
, it is beneficial for our children to learn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that international sports events make an important contribution to world peace. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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