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Some people say that instead of seeing the internet as way of opening new communication possibilities world-wide, we should be concerned about the effect this is having on social interaction. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this view v.1

Some people say that instead of seeing the internet as way of opening new communication possibilities world-wide, we should be concerned about the effect this is having on social interaction. with this view v. 1
Internet is considered as one of the greatest and essential invention around the globe. Some people thought that have had detrimental effects on social interaction, while other commenters, believes that it has had a huge positive impact in our life in many ways. I strongly agree with the latter view and my reasons will discuss below followed by a conclusion. To start with, people nowadays live in a contemporary method wherein due to the invention of the internet family, friends, and relative from outside the globe can able to access and connect easily with the use of mobile phone, computers and any application that readily available such as Facebook, watts-up, and Instagram. One good example is that my cousin who is working at the Canada for almost 5 years she usually speaks to her significant others in the Philippines through her phone at least 1-2 hours each day and it is on her way to release the so-called home sick. Hence, it is a tremendous help not only to those who are working outside the Country as well as to all individuals. On the other hand, although there are few negative effects on the social interaction. For instance, instead of talking to each other personally some people tend to communicate with the use of their mobile phone, thus, lead to lack of social bonding. Although there are few negative effects that needs to be addressed, but we cannot deny that it more essential to look for the positive side. To recapitulate, people utilize the internet widely for communication, although, there are a few drawbacks of internet about the social interaction in the daily life, however, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Internet
is considered
as one of the greatest and essential invention around the globe.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that have had detrimental effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interaction, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible spelling mistake found.
commenters
, believes that it has had a huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact in our life in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter view and my reasons will discuss below followed by a conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a contemporary method wherein due to the invention of the internet family, friends, and relative from outside the globe
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
can able to
access and connect
easily
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile phone, computers and any application that
readily
available such as Facebook, watts-up, and Instagram. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example is that my cousin who is working at the Canada for almost 5 years she
usually
speaks to her significant others in the Philippines through her phone at least 1-2 hours each day and it is on her way to release the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called home sick.
Hence
, it is a tremendous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to those who are working outside the Country
as well
as to all individuals.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, although there are few
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interaction.
For instance
,
instead
of talking to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
personally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to communicate with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their mobile phone,
thus
, lead to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
bonding. Although there are few
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects that needs to
be addressed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we cannot deny that
Did you mean "is" or "it is"?
it
more essential to look for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
utilize the internet
widely
for communication, although, there are a few drawbacks of internet about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interaction in the daily life,
however
, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Some people say that instead of seeing the internet as way of opening new communication possibilities world-wide, we should be concerned about the effect this is having on social interaction. with this view v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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