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According to a recent study, the more time people use the Internet, the less time they spend with real human beings. Some people say that instead of seeing the Internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities world- wide, we should be conce v.2

According to a recent study, the more time people use the Internet, the less time they spend with real human beings. Some people say that instead of seeing the Internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities world- wide, we should be conce v. 2
A large number of criminals, who serve their fist prison sentence, released back into society, commit more misconduct. This is because of several reasons, and there are a number of solutions to deal with the problem. One of the main reasons of this issue is that lawbreakers after being sent to the jail are given no chance to learn new skills or gain a wealth knowledge about moral behaviour, instead mix with other criminals, which will strengthen criminal intentions. Furthermore, it is difficult for them after being released from the prison in finding employment. Hence, many of them struggle financially, which leads them back to illegal activities, regardless any consequence. The need of several solutions will help them prevent negative thoughts regarding to lawbreaking. First, when the offenders are in the prison, they should be provided vocational training and should be taught the knowledge about moral behaviour. For example, if the offenders can stand a higher chance to learn skills related to manufacturing clothes, they are able to find a job in clothing factories in the future. Moreover, the criminals may do volunteer, if they watch or read articles seeing the respect of society for volunteers. Second, governments are likely to install surveillance cameras at the streets, which the lawbreakers often are in there. As a result, the governments and policies are able to supervise the actions of the lawbreakers. This leads to that the offenders will not do any misconduct, since they are conscious of being monitored. In conclusion, having trained in the jail and observation of the criminals after being released. If governments can do these solutions, the rate of lawbreaking will decrease.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
, who serve their fist prison sentence, released back into society, commit more misconduct. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several reasons, and there are a number of solutions to deal with the problem.

One of the main reasons of this issue is that lawbreakers after being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to the jail are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
no chance to learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
or gain a wealth knowledge about moral
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
,
instead
mix with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
, which will strengthen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
intentions.
Furthermore
, it is difficult for them after
being released
from the prison in finding employment.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them struggle
financially
, which leads them back to illegal activities, regardless any consequence.

The need of several solutions will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thoughts
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
lawbreaking.
First
, when the offenders are in the prison, they should
be provided
vocational training and should
be taught
the knowledge about moral
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
For example
, if the offenders can stand a higher chance to learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
related to manufacturing clothes, they are able to find a job in clothing factories in the future.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
may do volunteer, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
or read articles seeing the respect of society for volunteers. Second,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are likely to install surveillance cameras at the streets, which the lawbreakers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
are in there.
As a result
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and policies are able to supervise the actions of the lawbreakers. This leads to that the offenders will not do any misconduct, since they are conscious of
being monitored
.

In conclusion
, having trained in the jail and observation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
after
being released
. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can do these solutions, the rate of lawbreaking will decrease.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay According to a recent study, the more time people use the Internet, the less time they spend with real human beings. Some people say that instead of seeing the Internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities world- wide, we should be conce v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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