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Some people believe that employers should not be concerned about the way their employees dress, but the quality of their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that employers should not be concerned about the way their employees dress, but the quality of their work. v. 1
Over the past decades, employee welfare has never failed to draw public attention and provoke debates. Although The importance of dress code and appearance at workplaces has already been recognized and accepted, the issue as to whether a mandatory dress code should be abolished or maintained remains controversial. In my opinion, imposing a dress code in workplace is beneficial, crucial for the following reasons. Firstly, a dress code promotes a more serious working atmosphere. Some may argue that those who love dressing up and more comfortable wearing certain clothes with cuts and designs that fit their body build are uncomfortable with work uniforms. This argument could be true to some extent. However, they should take into account the fact that uniforms contribute significantly to the improvement of professionalism in organizations. For example, it is common that if female workers are not too conscious about what they wear, they can be victims of sexual harassment and even abuse. With dress codes, these things can be prevented or at least be mitigated. This example indicates that by putting some limitations on dressing up, male and female workers will be less distracted from their main tasks, thereby improving work performance and work productivity. Secondly, uniforms are compulsory on many occasions. the opponents may argue that employers should only pay attention the quality of work, not the performance of workers. However, those who are against work uniforms are ignorant of the fact that in many cases, wearing a uniform is a mandatory issue. For example, firefighters use heavily protected uniforms that protect them from flames and excessive heat. It also helps the citizen to recognize the employee. Such uniforms are specially designed and are validated and checked by the health and safety department of local governments. This example shows that in such highrisk cases, wearing a uniform is a must. In conclusion, the standardization of work uniforms has positive influence on work efficiency. Not only do they promote the professionalism but also bring safety as mentioned above.
Over the past decades, employee welfare has never failed to draw public attention and provoke debates. Although The importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
code and appearance at workplaces has already
been recognized
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
, the issue
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
a mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
code should
be abolished
or maintained remains controversial. In my opinion, imposing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
code in workplace is beneficial, crucial for the following reasons.

Firstly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
code promotes a more serious working atmosphere.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "argues".
argue
that those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
dressing up and more comfortable wearing certain clothes with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
and designs that fit their body build are uncomfortable with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
. This argument could be true to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
However
, they should take into account the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
contribute
significantly
to the improvement of professionalism in organizations. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, it is common that if female workers are not too conscious about what they wear, they can be victims of sexual harassment and even abuse. With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
codes, these things can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
or at least
be mitigated
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
indicates that by putting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
limitations on dressing up, male and female workers will be less distracted from their main tasks, thereby improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
performance and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
productivity.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
are compulsory on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
occasions.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
opponents may argue that employers should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
pay attention the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, not the performance of workers.
However
, those who are against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
are ignorant of the fact that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, wearing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
is a mandatory issue. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, firefighters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
heavily
protected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
that protect them from flames and excessive heat. It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the citizen to recognize the employee. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
are
specially
designed and
are validated
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
by the health and safety department of local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that in such
Possible spelling mistake found.
highrisk
cases, wearing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
.

In conclusion
, the standardization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efficiency. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do they promote the professionalism
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
bring safety as mentioned above.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people believe that employers should not be concerned about the way their employees dress, but the quality of their work. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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