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According to a recent study, the more time people use the Internet, the less time they spend with real human beings. Some people say that instead of seeing the Internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities world- wide, we should be concerned about the effect this is having on social interaction. How far do you agree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. v.1

According to a recent study, the more time people use the Internet, the less time they spend with real human beings. Some people say that instead of seeing the Internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities world- wide, we should be concerned about the effect this is having on social interaction. How far do you agree with this opinion? v. 1
Firstly, Internet decreases the distance between people virtually, what I mean by this is that family members who live away can connect to phone calls or messages. However, with the growing interest of people to social interactions, mobile chat applications display interesting pages and feeds on their homepages, which further takes people time. For example, The number of users on Facebook surged, after the introduction of the news feed page. Many people get distracted easily over the internet, they often come online for one task and gets involved into another area. Physical interactions between friends is getting effected as it is now completely online. Notably, a decade ago people used to buy newspapers for current affairs and news, nonetheless, with the increase of internet users, many find it as the easiest and the cheapest way to get notified. However, they are not realizing about the interactions and meetings with people, which they used to have, while they go to buy a magazine. Furthermore, family members who used to share things are now busy chatting online, this can cause a decline in the relationships. In addition to this, with the increase of virtual gaming mania, youth are getting addicted to these games. Hence, modern children lack the ability to find friends easily. To sum up, although internet open doors to worldwide communication, extensive use of it can affect relationships. Everyone should understand the drawbacks like the distraction and deterioration of physical presence. In my opinion, humans should enjoy moments with family through travelling or by talking instead of browsing for connections across the world.
Firstly
, Internet decreases the distance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
virtually
, what I mean by this is that family members who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
away can connect to phone calls or messages.
However
, with the growing interest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to social interactions, mobile chat applications display interesting pages and feeds on their homepages, which
further
takes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
time.
For example
, The number of users on Facebook surged, after the introduction of the news feed page.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted
easily
over the internet, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
online for one task and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
involved into another area. Physical interactions between friends is getting effected as it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
completely online.

Notably
, a decade ago
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
newspapers for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs and news, nonetheless, with the increase of internet users,
Possible agreement error. The noun find seems to be countable; consider using: "many finds".
many find
it as the easiest and the cheapest way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
notified.
However
, they
The verb 'realizing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are not realizing
about the interactions and meetings with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have, while they go to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a magazine.
Furthermore
, family members who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to share things are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
busy chatting online, this can cause a decline in the relationships.
In addition
to this, with the increase of virtual gaming mania, youth are getting addicted to these games.
Hence
, modern children lack the ability to find friends
easily
.

To sum up, although internet open doors to worldwide communication, extensive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of it can affect relationships. Everyone should understand the drawbacks like the distraction and deterioration of physical presence. In my opinion, humans should enjoy moments with family through travelling or by talking
instead
of browsing for connections across the world.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay According to a recent study, the more time people use the Internet, the less time they spend with real human beings. Some people say that instead of seeing the Internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities world- wide, we should be concerned about the effect this is having on social interaction. How far do you agree with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
263 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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