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Some people say that holding sport competitions cause many troubles, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.3

Some people say that holding sport competitions cause many troubles, others disagree. v. 3
Sports competitions such as Olympics are considered to be one of the most happening and talked about event around the globe. Some people believe that country’s faces a lot of challenges when hosting any sports competition; other group asserts the importance and advantages of holding such events. I shall discuss both perspectives in detail in the following paragraphs, before reaching a final verdict. To begin with, predominantly, the evident benefit of hosting sports competition is the economic advantage for any country. When hosting the event, spectators around the globe rush to visit that particular country where event is being organized. This resulting in more tourists, people buying tickets of the event goes in Government profits. In addition to this, besides attending the event only, people visit different places as well. Thus, all this activity results in more revenue, more money circulation and eventually country’s sound financial position. On the other hand, despite of having numerous benefits, there are certain demerits of this phenomenon which cannot be overlooked. One obvious trouble is the added responsibility over the Government to organize the occurrence. The state officials comes under grave pressure to make certain arrangements for bigger scale events like Olympics. Innumerable pivotal aspects needs to be taken into consideration such as security of audience and special guests, security and hospitality arrangement of players from around the world and the so on. For instance, country’s who have organized Olympic event in the past did work really hard to execute smooth and successful event. To summarize the aforementioned argument, I opine that hosting sports competition is one great opportunity for any country as it has innumerable advantages in terms of economic stability and visibility of the country to the whole world. Certain troubles do occur but they do not carry much weight and can be worked upon easily.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
such as Olympics
are considered
to be one of the most happening and talked about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
around the globe.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
faces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
challenges when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
; other group asserts the importance and advantages of holding such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. I shall discuss both perspectives in detail in the following paragraphs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching a final verdict.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
predominantly
, the evident benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is the economic advantage for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
, spectators around the globe rush to visit that particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
is
being organized
. This resulting in more tourists,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
buying tickets of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
goes in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
profits.
In addition
to this,
besides
attending the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places
as well
.
Thus
, all this activity results in more revenue, more money circulation and
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
sound financial position.

On the other hand
,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
having numerous benefits, there are certain demerits of this phenomenon which cannot
be overlooked
. One obvious trouble is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
responsibility over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
to organize the occurrence. The state officials
You should probably use "come".
comes
under grave pressure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
certain arrangements for bigger scale
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
like Olympics. Innumerable pivotal aspects needs to
be taken
into consideration such as security of audience and special guests, security and hospitality arrangement of players from around the world and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
who have organized Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
in the past did work
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to execute smooth and successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.

To summarize
the aforementioned argument, I opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is one great opportunity for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as it has innumerable advantages in terms of economic stability and visibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to the whole world. Certain troubles do occur
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not carry much weight and can
be worked
upon
easily
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that holding sport competitions cause many troubles, others disagree. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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