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In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule? Use specific reasons and details to support your position. You should write at least 250 words. v.7

In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule? Use specific reasons and details to support your position. v. 7
It is a proven fact that smoking is highly injurious to health. Around the globe, the government adopts multiple ways to discourage people from smoking. Recently, it has been observed that in some countries, smokers are not allowed to enjoy this activity publically or inside the buildings. I consider this as an extremely positive development towards a healthy society. To begin with, the restriction on smoking in public areas will definitely help reduce passive smokers. The smokers are not only affecting themselves but a huge number of people living in the surroundings are equally harmed. These victims are called, ” Passive smokers”. These people do not really do smoking themselves; rather, inhale the smoke while their relatives or co-workers are smoking nearby them. According to the recent survey by the local community magazine, 70% of the passive smokers suffer fatal diseases because of the smoke they inhale unwillingly. To elucidate my stance further, the ban on open smoking would also discourage smokers. In order to satisfy their need, they would have to look for a particular space; designated for this activity. Psychologically, they would be inclined to reduce smoking intervals as every time they would have to get into the hassle of walking all the way outside the building. Quoting my personal observation here, in my company, smokers have a designated area, this policy has evidently brought a positive change in the smoking habit of my colleagues. For instance, if they used to go for smoking for five to seven times a day, now that number has gone down to two to three only. Eventually, this change would certainly leave a positive impact on their health. In conclusion, I reiterate that this approach would definitely pave ways for a healthy society. Bounded space smoking enforcement would be beneficial not only for individual smokers but also for passive smokers.
It is a proven fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is
highly
injurious to health. Around the globe, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
adopts multiple ways to discourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
. Recently, it has
been observed
that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, smokers are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to enjoy this activity
publically
or inside the buildings. I consider this as an
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development towards a healthy society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the restriction on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in public areas will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passive
smokers. The smokers are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affecting themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a huge number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in the surroundings are
equally
harmed. These victims
are called
,
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
”
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Passive
smokers”. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not
really
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
themselves;
rather
, inhale the smoke while their relatives or co-workers are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
nearby them. According to the recent survey by the local community magazine, 70% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passive
smokers suffer fatal diseases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the smoke they inhale
unwillingly
.

To elucidate my stance
further
, the ban on open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
would
also
discourage smokers. In order to satisfy their need, they would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
look for a particular space; designated for this activity.
Psychologically
, they would
be inclined
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
intervals as every time they would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the hassle of walking all the way outside the building. Quoting my personal observation here, in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, smokers have a designated area, this policy has
evidently
brought a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
habit of my colleagues.
For instance
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to go for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
for five to seven times a day,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
that number has gone down to two to three
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
Eventually
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
would
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on their health.

In conclusion
, I reiterate that this approach would definitely pave ways for a healthy society. Bounded space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
enforcement would be beneficial not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for individual smokers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passive
smokers.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule? Use specific reasons and details to support your position. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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