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Some people say that holding sport competitions cause many problems, others disagree about this statement. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people say that holding sport competitions cause many problems, others disagree about this statement. v. 2
Some authorities think that hosting a sports competition is a challenging job due to unexpected threats associate in such kind of program. It is often argued that it is a positive development whilst other disagree and think that it will lead significant drawbacks. This essay agrees that hosting national level tournament would create the problem of protection concern of participant and a lot of investment is additionally required to make it happen. This essay will discuss both points of view. The foremost problem in regards to carrying out multiple sports competition in similar venue would create the problem of physical threat of the sports personalities. Players from different areas have to adjust with the nominal facilities with strict rules and regulation which might be unfavorable to their regular exercise and further resulted with different types of physical casualties. It is therefore agreed that, hosting such a huge competition would lead to the problem of physical adjustment in the immediate environment. For example, this is most evident in my country that Ministry of Sports in 2010 had postponed the national competition of football game for additional one month of their projected date concerning to the possible threats associated with the playground. However, many others disagrees and think that organizing national level tournament will provide plenty of opportunities to the new players in terms of personal exposure. New players have already invested their money and time to fulfil their dreams of being success on the field which they have chosen. Despite these, individual pressure and multiple casualties are still cannot be denied and for that reason this essay disagree with the new opportunities to the beginners. For instance, The Himalayan Times recently report that, 40% of sports person would dropout their profession due to an unexpected casualties happen during the tournament. In conclusion, organizing a platform for the sports personalities is a conscious effort where unexpected threats and casualties have to face by the management committee and the players but it also provided the new opportunities to the new pupils to fulfill their career in sports sector. Lastly, as long as the player would aware enough with the possible threats the physical catastrophe can minimized.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that hosting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is a challenging job due to unexpected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
threats
associate in such kind of program. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development whilst other disagree and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it will lead significant drawbacks. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that hosting national level tournament would create the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of protection concern of participant and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
investment is
additionally
required to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it happen. This essay will discuss both points of view.

The foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards to
carrying out multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
in similar venue would create the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
threat
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
personalities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Players
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
adjust with the nominal facilities with strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulation which might be unfavorable to their regular exercise and
further
resulted with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
casualties
. It is
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that, hosting such a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
would lead to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
adjustment in the immediate environment.
For example
, this is most evident in my country that Ministry of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
in 2010 had postponed the national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
of football game for additional one month of their projected date concerning to the possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
threats
associated with the playground.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others disagrees and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that organizing national level tournament will provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of opportunities to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
in terms of personal exposure.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
have already invested their money and time to fulfil their dreams of being success on the field which they have chosen. Despite these, individual pressure and multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
casualties
are
still
cannot
be denied
and for that reason this essay disagree with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
opportunities to the beginners.
For instance
, The Himalayan Times recently report that, 40% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
person would dropout their profession due to an unexpected
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "casualty"?
casualties
happen during the tournament.

In conclusion
, organizing a platform for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
personalities is a conscious effort where unexpected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
threats
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
casualties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face by the management committee and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
provided the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
opportunities to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
pupils to fulfill their career in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
sector.
Lastly
, as long as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
would aware
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
with the possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
threats
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
catastrophe can minimized.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that holding sport competitions cause many problems, others disagree about this statement. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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