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Some people say that holding sport competitions cause many problems, others disagree about this statement. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that holding sport competitions cause many problems, others disagree about this statement. v. 1
It is true that many people argue that rising in amount of sport facilities is the essential way to develop well the public health. While others claim that this would influence insignificantly on public health and other methods should be applied. This essay will discuss the both of views before giving my own opinion. Increasing the numbers of sport facilities is beneficial for several reasons. Firstly, by rising the quantity, people will be able to go to these facilities more often than ever. As a result, they will decrease the risk of some emerging diseases, such as obesity. Secondly, a person who decides to join for sport courses rather than staying at home is likely to have a better mental and physical condition compared to others. This may lead them to conduct a healthy and unstressful life routine. On the other hand, some people believe that this method would bring less benefit than others. First of all, the health status of citizens are not completely dependent on their action, some circumstances, such as air pollution, could affect dramatically them. For instance, with a constant increase of chemical toxins into the air, citizens are more likely to get disease regardless of their actions. Consequently, some approach should be actioned to resolve this problem. In addition, a growth in sport facilities does not totally mean a related rise in people who do a corresponding sport. As a result, they will probably be almost all empty if there is not any changes in peoples habit. In conclusion, it is true that both of the measures have their own unique advantages. As far as I am concerned, an increase of these sport facilities would be totally useless if people do not change their daily routine.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that rising in amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities is the essential way to develop well the public health. While others claim that this would influence
insignificantly
on public health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
methods should
be applied
. This essay will discuss the both of views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
giving my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

Increasing the numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities is beneficial for several reasons.
Firstly
, by rising the quantity,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be able to go to these facilities more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than ever.
As a result
, they will decrease the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
emerging diseases, such as obesity.
Secondly
, a person who decides to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
courses
rather
than staying at home is likely to have a better mental and physical condition compared to others. This may lead them to conduct a healthy and
Possible spelling mistake found.
unstressful
life routine.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this method would bring less benefit than others.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the health status of citizens are not completely dependent on their action,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances, such as air pollution, could affect
dramatically
them.
For instance
, with a constant increase of chemical toxins into the air, citizens are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
disease regardless of their actions.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
approach should
be actioned
to resolve this problem.
In addition
, a growth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities does not
totally
mean a related rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do a corresponding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
As a result
, they will
probably
be almost all empty if there is not any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
habit.

In conclusion
, it is true that both of the measures have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
unique advantages. As far as I
am concerned
, an increase of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities would be
totally
useless if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their daily routine.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people say that holding sport competitions cause many problems, others disagree about this statement. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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