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Some people say that health care and education should be the responsibility of the government but others think that it is the responsibility of the individuals themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people say that health care and education should be the responsibility of the government but others think that it is the responsibility of the individuals themselves. v. 2
The benefits of having a supportive partner surpasses that of many associates in one's life. I quite agree that one loyal colleague gives the needed motivation and understanding than a good number of contacts. The support to push through life is essential to our survival. A good friend will always find the best words and actions to encourage and ensure we succeed together. This assistance may be in terms of finance, advice, career, for family or education. For example, someone who provides help to learning a trade, and at the same time serves as guarantor for him while undergoing the training. Meanwhile, the ally is also there to ensure after completion of the training, he was able to start and stand on his own. Everyone needs a sincere and trustworthy companion to share thoughts and views with. An intimate close confidant who has a listening ear and always one run to a person, he/she will keep what's secret, provide necessary and needed help, at the same time stand with his/her alter ego through thick and thin. An ally who can shield a colleague from embarrassment, debt, cloth or shelter him/her for a while. Someone who does not expose the affairs of the person. For instance, seeking an advice on seeking for a new job, career change, immigration or further studies can only be shared with a true friend. In conclusion, having a close confidant in many ways outweighs walking with a good number of acquaintances in this life and I strongly agree that the role just one companion plays is unmatched by the thousands of other associates.
The benefits of having a supportive partner surpasses that of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
associates in one's life. I quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that one loyal colleague gives the needed motivation and
Use "(understanding)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
understanding
than a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
number of contacts.

The support to push through life is essential to our survival. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friend will always find the best words and actions to encourage and ensure we succeed together. This assistance may be in terms of finance, advice, career, for family or education.
For example
, someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
provides
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to learning a trade, and at the same time serves as guarantor for him while undergoing the training. Meanwhile, the
Did you mean "allay"?
ally
is
also
there to ensure after completion of the training, he was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
and stand on his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

Everyone needs a sincere and trustworthy companion to share thoughts and views with. An intimate close confidant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has a listening ear and always one run to a person, he/she will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
what's secret, provide necessary and needed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, at the same time stand with his/her alter ego through thick and thin. An ally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can shield a colleague from embarrassment, debt, cloth or shelter him/her for a while. Someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
does not expose the affairs of the person.
For instance
, seeking
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "advice".
an advice
on seeking for a new job, career
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, immigration or
further
studies can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be shared
with a true friend.

In conclusion
, having a close confidant in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways outweighs walking with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
number of acquaintances in this life and I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the role
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one companion plays
is unmatched
by the thousands of other associates.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that health care and education should be the responsibility of the government but others think that it is the responsibility of the individuals themselves. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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