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Some people believe that parents should give a small amount of money to their children to do home tasks while others believe that children should not be paid. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that parents should give a small amount of money to their children to do home tasks while others believe that children should not be paid. v. 1
A number of people advocates that staying in a country for some time is necessary to understand the local language and culture. Of course, there are some other ways to learn more vocabulary and lifestyle in a surface, however, to get deeply involved with it, is the best way to go, in my opinion. There are few easier ways to develop fluency in another language and its culture. Firstly, by enrolling to a course to study the language which has a native speaker as an instructor. Surely, we will be able to catch one or two slangs to be imitated to make us sounds more like them. Secondly, by joining a cultural night from that community to allow us to taste their local foods and beverages. Finally, by connecting with a group of expats who are living here through its national favourite sport. For instance, we should join basketball friendly match with Filipino friends to get to know the Philippine’s culture. Earlier this year, my brother was accepted at a university in Germany and Deutsch is not even his second language. He started to join Deutsch course online with native speaker years ago. Although, our eldest sister has been living in Germany for ten years now, hence more or less we are familiar with the food. Eventually, when he arrived in Germany last month, he still experienced cultural shock. In conclusion, I extremely agree with the opinion about living in a country for a period of time is crucial to sincerely learn a new language and its culture. After all, experience is the best teacher. Therefore, only by living in their shoes, we can truly understand the culture and moreover involuntarily speak their language.
A number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advocates that staying in a country for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time is necessary to understand the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Of course
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other ways to learn more vocabulary and lifestyle in a surface,
however
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
deeply
involved with it, is the best way to go, in my opinion.

There are few easier ways to develop fluency in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Firstly
, by enrolling to a course to study the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
which has a native speaker as an instructor.
Surely
, we will be able to catch one or two
Possible spelling mistake found.
slangs
to
be imitated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us sounds more like them.
Secondly
, by joining a cultural night from that community to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to taste their local foods and beverages.
Finally
, by connecting with a group of expats who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
here through its national
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
sport.
For instance
, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
basketball friendly match with Filipino friends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know the Philippine’s culture.

Earlier this year, my brother was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
at a university in Germany and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Deutsch
is not even his second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
Possible spelling mistake found.
Deutsch
course online with native speaker years ago. Although, our eldest sister has been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in Germany for ten years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
hence
more or less we are familiar with the food.
Eventually
, when he arrived in Germany last month, he
still
experienced cultural shock.

In conclusion
, I
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a country for a period of time is crucial to
sincerely
learn a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
After all
, experience is the best teacher.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in their shoes, we can
truly
understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
moreover
involuntarily
speak their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that parents should give a small amount of money to their children to do home tasks while others believe that children should not be paid. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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