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Some people say that health care and education should be the responsibility of the government but others think that it is the responsibility of the individuals themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that health care and education should be the responsibility of the government but others think that it is the responsibility of the individuals themselves. v. 1
Health care and Education is the pillar of nation as this would decide the growth. Some segment of people asking the govemnent to take care of those two main aspects, while others oppose as this is an individual responsibility. I will discuss both views in the further paragraph and provide my opinion. Firstly, people will get a plethora of benefits if the government takes the ownership of delivering the medical facility and schooling for their citizens, would be great to all peoples who will be healthier and knowledgeable person. For instance, all the pupils will get the schooling and they do not have to worry about their fee and they can concentrate on studies. Therefore the country will be healthiest among the world. In addition, all the people cannot spend for critical diseases such as diabetes and heart problems soon. In this situation, the government has to support their citizens and fullfill their expectations and they can somehow collect the taxes from employees and utilize for these facilities. On the otherhand, some says education and health care should be the ownership of the person himself. Nowadays Educations and medical facilities are expensive around the world, consequently people can not afford of those sources themself. For example, some of the contries are struggling to provide the scholling and health systems for their own peoples, which causes lack of medications and studies, thereafter the people are increasingly fall in sick and employment issues. In this case, government has to step in and fecilitate their people to recover from the worst situations. To conclude, there are pros and cons for free and paid services. The government should identify the people who are really wanted these services and maintain the technology to store their information and facilitate. Therefore the people who really required help from the govement can have an education and health care system in place.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is the pillar of nation as this would decide the growth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
segment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
asking the
Possible spelling mistake found.
govemnent
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of those two main aspects, while others oppose as this is an individual responsibility. I will discuss both views in the
further
paragraph and provide my opinion.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a plethora of benefits if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
takes the ownership of delivering the medical facility and schooling for their citizens, would be great to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
who will be healthier and knowledgeable person.
For instance
, all the pupils will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
schooling and
they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fee and
they can concentrate on studies.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the country will be healthiest among the world.
In addition
, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot spend for critical diseases such as diabetes and heart problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. In this situation, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
support their citizens and
Possible spelling mistake found.
fullfill
their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
expectations and
they can somehow collect the taxes from employees and utilize for these facilities.

On the
Possible spelling mistake found.
otherhand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
says
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
should be the ownership of the person himself. Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Educations
and medical facilities are expensive around the world,
consequently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not afford of those sources
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
.
For example
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
contries
are struggling to provide the
Possible spelling mistake found.
scholling
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
systems for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
, which causes lack of medications and studies, thereafter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
increasingly
Consider using a past participle here: "fallen".
fall
in sick and employment issues.
In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
step in and
Possible spelling mistake found.
fecilitate
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to recover from the worst situations.

To conclude
, there are pros and cons for free and paid services. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should identify the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
really
wanted these services and maintain the technology to store their information and facilitate.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
really
required
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
govement
can have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
system in place.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Some people say that health care and education should be the responsibility of the government but others think that it is the responsibility of the individuals themselves. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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