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Some people believe that money is the best gift for teenagers while others disagree. ‎ Discuss both views and give your own opinion. ‎ v.1

Some people believe that money is the best gift for teenagers while others disagree. ‎ ‎ v. 1
Giving a proper present to adolescents can be challenging sometimes. Some people ‎suggest that giving cash as gift to youngsters is inappropriate, while some other have ‎the opposite view. In my opinion, although money as present can have some negative ‎impacts on children, it can help them in many situations due to the reasons mentioned ‎in this essay. ‎ On the one hand, there are individuals who opine that gifting money is not a good idea. ‎Not only it can spoil children and make them indifferent to working and gaining money, ‎but also it wastes a great opportunity for adults to supply them with a gift that they ‎really need. They mentioned such example that there is a chance that this money will ‎be spent on unnecessary items, such as video games or even illegal things like street ‎drugs. ‎ On the other hand, those who support the idea of gifting money, believe that it is our ‎children’s choice to decide on what they really need. If youngsters have enough ‎money, they can spend them on items they always wished to have. This leads to ‎saving time and energy for them so that they can put more effort into their education. ‎Take a student who works out of school hours to save for buying a laptop, as an ‎example. Parents can easily help this young person by giving gift money to save time ‎and energy for their child to study conveniently. ‎ To conclude, my point of view is that choosing a present that teenagers need, ‎depends on the situation. If families believe that their children are capable of spending ‎money in the best way, giving cash presents will be the smartest choice. Otherwise, ‎parents should choose the most suitable gift for their adolescents. ‎
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Giving
a proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
to adolescents can be challenging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
‎suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
cash as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
to youngsters is inappropriate, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other have ‎the opposite view. In my opinion, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
‎impacts on
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children
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
situations due to the reasons mentioned ‎in this essay. ‎

On the one hand, there are individuals who opine that gifting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. ‎Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it can spoil
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children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them indifferent to working and gaining
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money
, ‎
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it wastes a great opportunity for adults to supply them with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
that they ‎
really
need. They mentioned such example that there is a chance that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will ‎
be spent
on unnecessary items, such as video games or even illegal things like street ‎drugs. ‎

On the other hand
, those who support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of gifting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, believe that it is our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
‎children’s
choice to decide on what they
really
need. If youngsters have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
‎money
, they can spend them on items they always wished to have. This leads to ‎saving time and energy for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can put more effort into their education. ‎Take a student who works out of school hours to save for buying a laptop, as an ‎example. Parents can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
this young person by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to save time ‎and energy for their child to study
conveniently
. ‎

To conclude
, my point of view is that choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
need, ‎depends on the situation. If families believe that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are capable of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
‎money
in the best way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
cash
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
will be the smartest choice.
Otherwise
, ‎parents should choose the most suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
for their adolescents. ‎
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that money is the best gift for teenagers while others disagree. ‎ ‎ v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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