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Create Student Committee to Decide Funding for Student OrganizationsI think students should be in charge of deciding which student organizations (for example, the jazz band or the hiking club) receive money from the university. Students should also be in v.1

Create Student Committee to Decide Funding for Student OrganizationsI think students should be in charge of deciding which student organizations (for example, the jazz band or the hiking club) receive money from the university. Students should also be in v. 1
There is an argument on whether building more sports facilities could improve public health. People who support it may say this initiative will make people to do more exercise, the other might say this has little to do with and it’s better to focus on other measures. Firstly, let’s break down the issue, advocates for increasing the number of sport venues have said that this could give people more chances to leave their house and do exercises. For example, if there is a new arena in a neighbourhood, people will come and play because they have a place to do exercises. If such that thing happened, it would improve the health and also the quality of life in the neighbourhood. Secondly, although this measure seems easy to do and logical, it isn’t always the only path to improve health care. Some critics say that it is a waste of money to so. Their reason is, for instance, there is a brand new sports centre, but, it only has the basketball courts and people who can’t play won’t go to this place, and still, stay in their houses and do no exercises at all. The same critics also argued that it is better to make the public to understand the importances of exercising and keeping their body healthy. Finally, in my perspective, I think it is ideal to both providing the adequate numbers of places and equipment to do such exercises and promoting the benefits from keeping the body fit. So, the best solution to keep our population to be healthy is mixing those ideas mentioned above and then, create the common viewpoint.
There is an argument on whether building more sports facilities could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who support it may say this initiative will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, the other might say this has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to do with and it’s better to focus on other measures.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
’s break down the issue, advocates for increasing the number of sport venues have said that this could give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more chances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
.
For example
, if there is a new arena in a
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
and play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a place to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
. If such that thing happened, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the health and
also
the quality of life in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
.

Secondly
, although this measure seems easy to do and logical, it isn’t always the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
path to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
health care.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
critics say that it is a waste of money to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. Their reason is,
for instance
, there is a brand new sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has the basketball courts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can’t play won’t go to this place, and
still
, stay in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and do no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
at all. The same critics
also
argued that it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the public to understand the
Possible spelling mistake found.
importances
of exercising and keeping their body healthy.

Finally
, in my perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is ideal to both providing the adequate numbers of places and equipment to do such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
and promoting the benefits from keeping the body fit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the best solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our population to be healthy is mixing those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
mentioned above and then, create the common viewpoint.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Create Student Committee to Decide Funding for Student OrganizationsI think students should be in charge of deciding which student organizations (for example, the jazz band or the hiking club) receive money from the university. Students should also be in v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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