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Some people say that fashion affects our lives in a negative way. However, others say that it has more positive effects on our lives. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that fashion affects our lives in a negative way. However, others say that it has more positive effects on our lives. v. 1
Fashion plays an important part in the life of human beings. History provides enough evidence to the fact that it was part and parcel of the lives of people from the medieval era. In present times, sadly, the influence of vogue has reached a point where it has many more drawbacks than advantages. I would like to support my viewpoint with arguments in the upcoming paragraphs. On one hand, some people opine that fashion has a negative impact on our life. There are several reasons for that. First and foremost, it leads to excessive spending of money resulting in financial instability of a person. For instance, a person spends much more than his capacity for latest trends just to show-off in the society and satisfy his ego. Secondly, it leads to wastage of crucial time which would have been utilized in a much better way otherwise. To add on, it is quite common for people to spend hours searching for clothes in-line with the latest styles on various e-commerce websites. Thirdly, going after fresh crazes distracts students from their studies and they spend their valuable time following the latest trends. Moreover, they get carried away by the glamorous lifestyle of various celebrities. On the other hand, some people hold a different opinion. First of all, good styling helps an individual to stand apart from the crowd. Additionally, increased self-confidence helps one to succeed in various aspects of life. Second of all, following the fresh trends makes a person aware of global styles. Also, it enhances the personality of an individual, making him a well informed citizen. To conclude, although there are enormous positive effects of fashion. But indeed, the negative effects are too dire to ignore. We need to regulate the effect of fashion in our lives so that it does not affect us badly.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fashion
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in the life of human beings. History provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
evidence to the fact that it was part and parcel of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the medieval era. In present times,
sadly
, the influence of vogue has reached a point where it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more drawbacks than advantages. I would like to support my viewpoint with arguments in the upcoming paragraphs.

On one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on our life. There are several reasons for that.
First
and foremost, it leads to excessive spending of money resulting in financial instability of a person.
For instance
, a person spends much more than his capacity for latest trends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
-off in the society and satisfy his ego.
Secondly
, it leads to wastage of crucial time which would have
been utilized
in a much better way
otherwise
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
on, it is quite common for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend hours searching for clothes in-line with the latest styles on various e-commerce websites.
Thirdly
, going after fresh crazes distracts students from their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
studies and
they spend their valuable time following the latest trends.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
carried away by the glamorous lifestyle of various celebrities.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinion.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
styling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
an individual to stand apart from the crowd.
Additionally
, increased self-confidence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
one to succeed in various aspects of life. Second of all, following the fresh trends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person aware of global styles.
Also
, it enhances the personality of an individual, making him a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well informed
citizen.

To conclude
, although there are enormous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
indeed
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects are too dire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
. We need to regulate the effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it does not affect us
badly
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that fashion affects our lives in a negative way. However, others say that it has more positive effects on our lives. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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