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Computers and modems have made it possible for office workers to do much of their work from home instead of working in offices every day Working from home should be encouraged as it is good for workers and employers v.3

Computers and modems have made it possible for office workers to do much of their work from home instead of working in offices every day Working from home should be encouraged as it is good for workers and employers v. 3
Small local shops are losing the race to get more footfalls in their store as compared to the malls. As a result, there is an increase in their closure rate as compared to the other which, on the contrary, is rapidly increasing its number. I believe that local communities will ultimately benefit from this. Firstly, independent stores are fragmented, in terms of location. Due to which not everything is available in one store. For example, a store generally selling groceries will not have electronics in their inventory, due to this, a customer might have to travel to different places to get everything he needs. Small stores can provide extra discounts to make some sales, but it would be hard to pull the crowd away from the mall. Secondly, a mall provides a better ambiance and shopping experience compared to the former, since it has more floor space and can accommodate more shops providing different products under one roof. Also, fuel consumption would be less since the clients would find everything under one roof. For example, a customer can browse through many designer labels under one roof. Due to all these reasons malls not only have an advantage over the local brick and mortar shops but it also helps in reducing unnecessary wastage of fuel. To conclude, small shops can create opportunities for serious buyers, but in the long run, the younger demographic of a country would prefer to go to a mall due to convenience and due to the multitude of options it provides. I would like to see more malls than the small stores due to the reduction in fuel wastage.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Small
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are losing the race to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more footfalls in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
as compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
.
As a result
, there is an increase in their closure rate as compared to the other which,
on the contrary
, is
rapidly
increasing its number. I believe that local communities will
ultimately
benefit from this.

Firstly
, independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
are fragmented
, in terms of location.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to which not everything is available in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
generally
selling groceries will not have electronics in their inventory,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to this, a customer might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
everything he needs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
can provide extra discounts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sales,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to pull the crowd away from the mall.

Secondly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
provides a better ambiance and shopping experience compared to the former, since it has more floor space and can accommodate more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
products under one roof.
Also
, fuel consumption would be less since the clients would find everything under one roof.
For example
, a customer can browse through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
designer labels under one roof.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to all these reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have an advantage over the local brick and mortar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in reducing unnecessary wastage of fuel.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
can create opportunities for serious buyers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the long run, the younger demographic of a country would prefer to go to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to convenience and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the multitude of options it provides. I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the reduction in fuel wastage.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Computers and modems have made it possible for office workers to do much of their work from home instead of working in offices every day Working from home should be encouraged as it is good for workers and employers v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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