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Some people say that fashion affects our lives in a negative way. However, others say that is has more positive effects on our lives. Discuss and give your opinion v.2

Some people say that fashion affects our lives in a negative way. However, others say that is has more positive effects on our lives. Discuss and give your opinion v. 2
People have different views about whether travelling is the best way to obtain a grasp about other countries, while some individuals believe that people can get information about foreign countries via browsing and watching television, I believe people can get an adequate information about other countries if they visit these areas personally. On the one hand, there are several reasons for why the majority of the people opt for travelling and sightseeing naturally rather than travelling vicariously. Firstly, people would be able to make new connections and friends, which are essential to country and people. Secondly, many people actually watch programmes about places they have been to, or which they intend to visit. Moreover, when people destined to different areas, they gain awareness of not only geographically, but also about cultures and as well as various customs. For example, a study has shown that when people travel personally to other countries, they get hands on experience about their heritage. On the other hand, travelling vicariously saves one's money and time. It is unquestionable that advance technology, including internet and television have all sorts of information. For instance, with the help of the internet we can travel around the world. In addition, if some people wish to visit difficult access continent, such As Antarctica, which is hard to get there because of harsh weather, but they can obtain all kinds of knowledge with the click of a button on the basis of television and internet. Furthermore, TV channels like " Discovery" and " National Geo" can offer a wealth of fascinating programmes that can captivate viewers more than direct experience. In conclusion, while many people believe that there are some benefits to gain intelligence of different countries through the Internet and TV, but In opinion HD images can not replace the excitement of meeting new people and discovering their culture.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
is the best way to obtain a grasp about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information about foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
via browsing and watching television, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
'information' is a mass noun (i.e., uncountable). Therefore, the preceding 'an' is probably wrong.
an adequate information
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
if they visit these areas
personally
. On the one hand, there are several reasons for why the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opt for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
and sightseeing
naturally
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
vicariously
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new connections and friends, which are essential to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
about places they have been to, or which they intend to visit.
Moreover
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
destined to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas, they gain awareness of not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
geographically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
about cultures and
as well
as various customs.
For example
, a study has shown that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel
personally
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hands on experience about their heritage.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
vicariously
saves one's money and time. It is unquestionable that advance technology, including internet and television have all sorts of information.
For instance
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the internet we can travel around the world.
In addition
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wish to visit difficult access continent, such

As Antarctica, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of harsh weather,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can obtain all kinds of knowledge with the click of a button on the basis of television and internet.

Furthermore
, TV channels like
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
Discovery
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
and
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
National Geo
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
can offer a wealth of fascinating
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
that can captivate viewers more than direct experience.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits to gain intelligence of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
through the Internet and TV,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
In opinion HD images can not replace the excitement of meeting new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and discovering their culture.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that fashion affects our lives in a negative way. However, others say that is has more positive effects on our lives. Discuss and give your opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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