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Nowadays in many countries, people are following the latest fashion, hairstyles and so on. Why are they so influenced by fashion? Is it a positive or a negative development? v.3

Nowadays in many countries, people are following the latest fashion, hairstyles and so on. Why are they so influenced by fashion? Is it a positive or a negative development? v. 3
When it comes to fashion and new trends, one of the most significant factors come to our mind is that many individuals excessively follow the most novel fashions ranging from outfits or hairstyles to home design. In this essay, some reasons behind this phenomenon and some serious drawbacks contributed by this habit are going to be discussed. People’s notion of beauty could be the main incentive for spending time and money to follow latest fashion and styles. To achieve it they do a lot of things including purchasing branded dress, shoes, ornaments and regularly visiting beauty parlours, spa centres and so on. Being beautiful and attractive is one of the most delightful feelings which human-being are keen to experience. Having updated styles in terms of appearance could widely gift such feeling. Moreover, many people believe that fashion not only could be a factor of beauty but it also helps them to obtain the individuality and uniqueness in their community, at least in visual aspects. Many people are heavily influenced by the famous celebrities they like and try to dress like them. Teenagers sometimes follow the latest trends without any particular reason and sometimes to be different from others. Some people are in fashion industries and they try to present their unique identity by following the latest fashion design. Finally, television programmes and advertisement have a great influence on people and these people simply want to be more attractive by following the latest fashion. Despite a diversity of superficial merits of excessive attention to fashion, it seems that its obvious disadvantages strongly draw societies’ care. For one, because of the fact that acquiring the latest fashion facilities entails a great deal of money, people are impelled to spend much of their budget for fulfilling their to look attractive. Furthermore, wasting time for thinking and searching in fashion world could be mentioned as another demerit of such time-consuming activities. By the way of illustration, one of the serious complications for parents is to tackle their children wasting time in shopping centres or surfing on the Internet pursuing the newest clothing etc. Fashion and latest trends are not restricted to hair style or costumes only. Piercing, tattooing, wearing bizarre materials are some other trends that often create social and family issues in many societies. In brief, possessing elegant appearance and/or trying to be matched with the community could be some of the crucial elements of surfing in fashion-world and pursuing fashion excessively could lead to multitude impacts on individuals social and personal life alike in long-term.
When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
and new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
, one of the most significant factors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to our mind is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals
excessively
follow the most novel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashions
ranging from outfits or hairstyles to home design. In this essay,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons behind this phenomenon and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious drawbacks contributed by this habit are going to
be discussed
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
’s notion of beauty could be the main incentive for spending time and money to follow
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
and styles. To achieve it they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things including purchasing branded dress, shoes, ornaments and
regularly
visiting beauty
Possible spelling mistake found.
parlours
, spa
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and attractive is one of the most delightful feelings which human-being are keen to experience. Having updated styles in terms of appearance could
widely
gift such feeling.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
could be a factor of beauty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to obtain the individuality and uniqueness in their community, at least in visual aspects.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
heavily
influenced by the
Consider using "celebrities".
famous celebrities
they like and try to dress like them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
follow the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
without any particular reason and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
industries and
they try to present their unique identity by following the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
design.
Finally
, television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and advertisement have a great influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
simply
want to be more attractive by following the latest fashion.

Despite a diversity of superficial merits of excessive attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
, it seems that its obvious disadvantages
strongly
draw societies’ care. For one,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
acquiring the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
facilities entails a great deal of money,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are impelled
to spend much of their budget for fulfilling their to look attractive.
Furthermore
, wasting time for thinking and searching in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
world could
be mentioned
as another demerit of such time-consuming activities. By the way of illustration, one of the serious complications for parents is to tackle their children wasting time in shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
or surfing on the Internet pursuing the newest clothing etc.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fashion
and latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
are not restricted to hair style or costumes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. Piercing, tattooing, wearing bizarre materials are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
create social and family issues in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
societies.

In brief
, possessing elegant appearance and/or trying to
be matched
with the community could be
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
crucial elements of surfing in fashion-world and pursuing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
excessively
could lead to multitude impacts on individuals social and personal life alike in long-term.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays in many countries, people are following the latest fashion, hairstyles and so on. Why are they so influenced by fashion? Is it a positive or a negative development? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
423 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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