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Many parents these days work in other countries, taking their families with them. Do you think advantages of the development outweigh its disadvantages? v.1

Many parents these days work in other countries, taking their families with them. Do you think advantages of the development outweigh its disadvantages? v. 1
Universities and colleges are the best source of learning, but people attend educational institutes to equip them with the latest education in their area of interest or to learn the diverse culture of different students and sometimes degree is just required to get promoted, while others enrol just to feel the social status. I personally attend the university to enhance my ability and to boost my career. The current society and the educational system are far from the old days. In the old days, self-learning was considered by every company and the employer gave importance to only practical skills. But from last half-century, skill level of an employee is judged by his/ her education level and universities got the authority to declare that the person has sufficient knowledge in specific field and is ready for the job. Furthermore, salary package also depends on it. This is the major reason, why most of the students attend the university. Some students have a great urge for the knowledge so they are going to university to learn about medicine, engineering or technology. Universities have practical labs, equipped with latest and modern equipment and have competent teachers to teach. Students think that self-learning is time-consuming and they will gain only theoretical knowledge. Also, a section of our society earned degree just to have elite status in society. For example, if a person study Law or medicine is considered more prestigious in American community, but on the other hand, a textile engineer has special privileges in Bangladesh. In conclusion, every student has its own agenda to attend university. Learning different cultures, getting advance education or just to have degree because it is the requirement of their dream job or to get promoted to higher rank can be the reasons.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
and colleges are the best source of learning,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
educational institutes to equip them with the latest education in their area of interest or to learn the diverse culture of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
degree is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
required to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promoted, while others enrol
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to feel the social status. I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to enhance my ability and to boost my career.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
society and the educational system are far from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days. In the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days, self-learning
was considered
by every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and the employer gave importance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
from last half-century,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
level of an employee
is judged
by his/ her education level and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the authority to declare that the person has sufficient knowledge in specific field and is ready for the job.
Furthermore
, salary package
also
depends on it. This is the major reason, why most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
the university.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have a great urge for the knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to learn about medicine, engineering or technology.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
have practical labs, equipped with latest and modern equipment and have competent teachers to teach.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that self-learning is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time-consuming and
they will gain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
theoretical knowledge.
Also
, a section of our society earned degree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to have elite status in society.
For example
, if a person study Law or medicine
is considered
more prestigious in American community,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the other hand
, a textile engineer has special privileges in Bangladesh.

In conclusion
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
agenda to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. Learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures, getting advance education or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to have degree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the requirement of their dream job or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promoted to higher rank can be the reasons.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many parents these days work in other countries, taking their families with them. Do you think advantages of the development outweigh its disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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