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Some people say that family is the most powerful influence in a child’s development. Other’s say that other factors such (television friend’s music etc. ) play a greater role today. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people say that family is the most powerful influence in a child’s development. Other’s say that other factors such (television friend’s music etc. ) play a greater role today. v. 2
Each child will be influenced by something or someone, and his development depends on factors he got influenced from. Some people say that family is the most major influence in a child’s development, others think the opposite and say that other factors will play this role. On one hand, for some people to improve child’s development and learn more about life, the greater influence is family. First, parents are more experienced in life and have more knowledge, they can aid them to separate and know between the wrong and correct things to do. Second, spending more time with family, kids automatically will get influenced by one of them, they start acting talking and learning from this environment. Moreover, child try to develop his character according to the person he influenced him at home, and this one will be his idol. For example, I learned a lot from my family especially from my grandpa, he became my influencer, he assisted and taught me in developing my life. In my opinion I think that the family is the main factor in developing child’s way of living and his future. On the other hand, several people say the opposite and think that child spend more time with friends and watching TV, these factors play a great role today in developing them. First, some believe that playing with friends, help them understand how others think, act and how life is going. Second, kids will stay home at early ages with parents before moving to schools, where the role of other environment begin and where child get in touch and have close conversations with friends and teachers. However, television and music also help kids to know new languages and learn how to spell words and expand his accent, additionally they can have more knowledge about things happening outside their culture. For example, my cousin first world (Cow) came from watching education programs on the television and his language is still improving. From my side I believe that friends or television can play a role but cannot be the main influencers of development. In conclusion, people say that family is the important role in developing child, others say the opposite and other factors can play this part such as friends or television. In my opinion, family is the basic influencer to help child to improve rather than friends or television they can come after in others stages in life.
Each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
will
be influenced
by something or someone, and his development depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
influenced from.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the most major influence in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
development, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
the opposite and say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
this role.

On one hand, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
development and learn more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, the greater influence is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
First
, parents are more experienced in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and have more knowledge, they can aid them to separate and know between the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and correct things to do. Second, spending more time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, kids
automatically
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced by one of them, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
acting talking and learning from this environment.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
try to develop his character according to the person he influenced him at home, and this one will be his idol.
For example
, I learned a lot from my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
especially
from my grandpa, he became my influencer, he assisted and taught me in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In my opinion I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
way of living and his future.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say the opposite and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
spend more time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and watching TV, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
them.
First
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that playing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them understand how others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
, act and how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is going. Second, kids will stay home at early ages with parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
moving to schools, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
environment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
and where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch and have close conversations with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and teachers.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and music
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
kids to know new languages and learn how to spell words and expand his accent,
additionally
they can have more knowledge about things happening outside their culture.
For example
, my cousin
first
world (Cow) came from watching education programs on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and his language is
still
improving. From my side I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
cannot be the main influencers of development.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, others say the opposite and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
this part such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the basic influencer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
after in others stages in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
61Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that family is the most powerful influence in a child’s development. Other’s say that other factors such (television friend’s music etc. ) play a greater role today. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
403 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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