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Some people say that family is the most powerful influence in a child’s development. Other’s say that other factors such (television friend’s music etc. ) play a greater role today. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that family is the most powerful influence in a child’s development. Other’s say that other factors such (television friend’s music etc. ) play a greater role today. v. 1
Freedom of children is a state in which children are allowed to make choices and decisions themselves regarding their lifestyle. In my opinion, children should definitely have the liberty to make their own decisions, however, parents should help them to make the right decisions. (44) In ancient times, people had paid much attention to their children in daily life matters. They fulfilled their all wishes but never gave them a free hand. Presently, it is important for a child to learn how to make decisions regarding his lifestyle or future career. Nowadays, decision making is an important skill for success in life. When a child is allowed to make his own choices, he will learn to take the responsibility for his actions. (76) While, when children have total freedom to make their own choices, they may fail to consider the feelings of others. For example, a child may insist that he should be able to watch cartoons whenever he wants to. He may not consider what other members of the family want to watch on TV. If his parents allow him to have his attitude all the way, he will definitely grow into a selfish person. Therefore, parents have to set the limits of freedom for their children. If the parents keep on helping children in making right decisions for their future life, then children will definitely be able to deal with the conflicts and challenges in life more efficiently. (117) Finally, I believe that even though children should be allowed to make their own choices, parents should teach them to respect the feelings of others; otherwise, they may end up becoming selfish. (32)
Freedom of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is a state in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
themselves regarding their lifestyle. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should definitely have the liberty to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
. (44)

In ancient times,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had paid much attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
matters. They fulfilled their all wishes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
never gave them a free hand.
Presently
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a child to learn how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
regarding his lifestyle or future career. Nowadays,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
for success in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. When a child is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
, he will learn to take the responsibility for his actions. (76)

While, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have total freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
, they may fail to consider the feelings of others.
For example
, a child may insist that he should be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
cartoons whenever he wants to. He may not consider what other members of the family want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on TV. If his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
him to have his attitude all the way, he will definitely grow into a selfish person.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
set the limits of freedom for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in making right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
for their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will definitely be able to deal with the conflicts and challenges in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more
efficiently
. (117)

Finally
, I believe that
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should teach them to respect the feelings of others;
otherwise
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up becoming selfish. (32)
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people say that family is the most powerful influence in a child’s development. Other’s say that other factors such (television friend’s music etc. ) play a greater role today. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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