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21. It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay. v.2

21. It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay. v. 2
No one can deny that there are both positive and negative aspects of growing up in the countryside or in a big city. If I were forced to choose, I would definitely prefer a big city for growing up. It is my firm belief for a number of reasons, and I will develop these ideas in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, make our children to be more communicative. As they grow up in a place with a big number of children, they started to be more conversable while communicate with them. I have to admit that my opinion on this matter has been profoundly influenced by my own personal experience. You see, when I was young, we moved to a big city with my family. I started to play with children that were in my neighborhood. As a result I have myriad of friends from childhood. For this reason I think that growing up in big cities is better than in countryside. Secondly, living in big cities get opportunity to take part in many shows, lessons, and master classes, which are also have impact on mental thinking of child. If you live in a big city, you can take your child to sport activity, or art and music classes. It will help them to create their future career. Drawing from my own experience, when I was child, my parents took me to programming classes. Since then I loved programming, and chose it as my profession. Moreover I went to a guitar classes, and now playing on guitar is one of my famous hobbies. It is certainly clear how big city can impact on your mental thinking, and take an opportunity to wade every day. To make a long story short, in light of above mentioned reasons, I strongly believe that, if the child grow up in a big city, he will be more communicative, and will know what he need to take from life.
No one can deny that there are both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of growing up in the countryside or in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
city. If I
were forced
to choose, I would definitely prefer a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
city for growing up. It is my firm belief for a number of reasons, and I will develop these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our children to be more communicative. As they grow up in a place with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
number of children, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to be more
Possible spelling mistake found.
conversable
while communicate with them. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
admit that my opinion on this matter has been
profoundly
influenced by my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personal experience. You
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, when I was young, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
city with my family. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to play with children that were in my neighborhood.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result I have myriad of friends from childhood.
For this reason
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that growing up in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is better than in countryside.

Secondly
, living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, lessons, and master
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
, which are
also
Consider using a past participle here: "had".
have
impact on mental thinking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. If you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
city, you can take your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to sport activity, or art and music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to create their future career. Drawing from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience, when I was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, my parents took me to programming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. Since
The comma is probably missing here: "then, I".
then I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
programming, and chose it as my profession.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
I went to a guitar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
playing on guitar is one of my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
hobbies. It is
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
city can impact on your mental thinking, and take an opportunity to wade every day.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a long story short, in light of above mentioned reasons, I
strongly
believe that, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
grow up in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
city, he will be more communicative, and will know what he need to take from life.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay 21. It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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