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The wealth of a nation is said to depend on the health of its citizens Yet in the modern knowledge based economies of the world education is more and more being seen as the main force in the development of all countries In what extent do you agree or disa v.2

The wealth of a nation is said to depend on the health of its citizens Yet in the modern knowledge based economies of the world education is more and more being seen as the main force in the development of all countries In what extent do you agree or disa v. 2
Although quite an incompatible match, some modern thinkers have started comparing the relevance and value of education and health in the progress of a nation. Some people stress that in the modern perspective knowledge plays a pivotal role in developing an economy while there are some sections which strongly believe that health is always a true indicator of the prosperity of a nation. Gaining knowledge has been pitched as a pivotal factor by some thinkers as they think that a society which is literate has the ability to brush aside useless conservative thought and superstitions. This helps a society to even look after its health better than others. A progressive society armed with educated populace generates more opportunities for development as it is always aware of its rights and obligations. Such a community adapts itself faster to the changing conditions and works positively towards achieving objectives of riches and prosperity. Moreover, a society or a nation with an abundance of educated inhabitants generates opportunities in various areas and component sectors of the economy. The skills accumulated by local populace encourages them to take up challenging jobs in the modern paradigm and some of the more enterprising people venture into establishing businesses which not only helps in boosting economic scenario but also helps in generating employment. On the other hand, some sections strongly advocate the relevance of a healthy society. They contend that if the local population suffers because of low health index, it can never prosper as the families, individuals and governments must allocate more financial resources to looking after the ailing people. Furthermore, education can only be absorbed effectively by a healthy individual. To conclude, I personally feel that although educating a society helps in boosting the economic status of a nation, the importance of health can never be ignored.
Although quite an incompatible match,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
modern thinkers have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
comparing the relevance and value of education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in the progress of a nation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
that
The usual preposition for "perspective" is "from" not "in." "from the modern perspective".
in the modern perspective
knowledge plays a pivotal role in developing an economy while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sections which
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is always a true indicator of the prosperity of a nation.

Gaining knowledge has
been pitched
as a pivotal factor by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
thinkers as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
which is literate has the ability to brush aside useless conservative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
and superstitions. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
to even look after its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
better than others. A progressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
armed with educated populace generates more opportunities for development as it is always aware of its rights and obligations. Such a community adapts itself faster to the changing conditions and works
positively
towards achieving objectives of riches and prosperity.

Moreover
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
or a nation with an abundance of educated inhabitants generates opportunities in various areas and component sectors of the economy. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
accumulated by local populace encourages them to take up challenging jobs in the modern paradigm and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the more enterprising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
venture into establishing businesses which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in boosting economic scenario
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in generating employment.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sections
strongly
advocate the relevance of a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. They contend that if the local population suffers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
index, it can never prosper as the families, individuals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
allocate more financial resources to looking after the ailing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Furthermore
, education can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be absorbed
effectively
by a healthy individual.

To conclude
, I
personally
feel that although educating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in boosting the economic status of a nation, the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
can never be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay The wealth of a nation is said to depend on the health of its citizens Yet in the modern knowledge based economies of the world education is more and more being seen as the main force in the development of all countries In what extent do you agree or disa v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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