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Some people say that education system is the only critical factor to the development of a country. v.1

Some people say that education system is the only critical factor to the development of a country. v. 1
Without any doubt, education is the key to development for a nation and only a well-educated nation could thrive for excellence and ultimate development. However, when the discussion topic is whether education system is the only critical issue for the development of a country, I quite disagree with this view. I personally believe that citizens’ skill development, increasing export, international relationship, better life standard, better utilisation of internal resources, technological development are other important and critical factors which must be combined with the educational system of a country for its  true and sustainable development. First of all, education is considered to be the backbone of a nation and it is quite obvious that education system of a country has an immense role in the overall development of a country. Most of the developed countries have well-educated citizens and exemplary education system – which represents the importance of education system for the development of a county. However, there are countries like Sri Lanka with an educated nation and better education facilities and still suffering from poverty and struggling to become a developed nation. This indicates that education system could never be the only consideration for development. Second, only better GDP and revenue reserve cannot be the true indicators of the development. Overall life standard, healthcare facility, safety, freedom of speech and thoughts, sustainable economic growth and a healthy environment are also important for a country to become a developed one. For instance, many middle-eastern countries have a huge reserve of foreign currency and source of national income and yet their citizens suffer from war, chaos and they have little freedom of thoughts. Such a nation might have a very strong economy and superior education system, but peace is absent there. Thus I do not recognise them as developed countries. Japan, does not have a strong educational system comparing with many other European countries and yet they are one of the richest and most developed countries in the world. They have properly utilised their possibility, national resources and have maintained a better global trade relationship. This country is a prime example of how skilled and hard working citizens can help improve their nation. Finally, many Asian countries have gained prominent economic growth in the last few years by adopting latest technology and they are soon going to be developed countries. They, no doubt, have improved their educational system over the period but they have not relied on this single factor. Increasing export, international relationship, better leadership and democratic government are some other crucial factor for many other countries to be promoted as a developed country. In conclusion, I believe that a better education system, along with skilled population, better leadership, international trade and relationship, better lifestyle, freedom of speech, technological development, enhanced export and utilisation of internal resources can make sure the development of a nation, not alone.
Without any doubt,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the key to
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development
for a
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nation
and
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only
a well-educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
could thrive for excellence and ultimate
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development
.
However
, when the discussion topic is whether
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education
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system
is the
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only
critical issue for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of a
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country
, I quite disagree with this view. I
personally
believe that
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citizens’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
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development
, increasing export, international
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relationship
,
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better
life standard,
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better
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilisation' is British English.
utilisation
of internal resources, technological
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development
are
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other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and critical factors which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be combined
with the educational
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system
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for its
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
true and sustainable development.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
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education
is considered
to be the backbone of a
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nation
and it is quite obvious that
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education
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system
of a
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country
has an immense role in the
overall
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development
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have well-educated
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citizens
and exemplary
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education
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system
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
which represents the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
for the
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development
of a county.
However
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Sri Lanka with an educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and
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better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
facilities and
still
suffering from poverty and struggling to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. This indicates that
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education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
could never be the
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only
consideration for development.

Second,
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only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
GDP and revenue reserve cannot be the true indicators of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
Overall
life standard, healthcare facility, safety, freedom of speech and thoughts, sustainable economic growth and a healthy environment are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
one.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
middle-eastern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have a huge reserve of foreign currency and source of national income and
yet
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
suffer from war,
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
chaos and
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
freedom of thoughts. Such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
might have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strong economy and superior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
peace is absent there.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
I do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
them as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
countries.

Japan, does not have a strong educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
comparing with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
European
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
countries and
yet
they are one of the richest and most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the world. They have
properly
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
their possibility, national resources and have maintained a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
global trade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is a prime example of how skilled and
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
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citizens
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their nation.

Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have gained prominent economic growth in the last few years by adopting
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
technology and
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
going to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. They, no doubt, have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
their educational
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system
over the period
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they have not relied on this single factor. Increasing export, international
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relationship
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
leadership and democratic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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other
crucial factor for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
be promoted
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
country.

In conclusion
, I believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, along with skilled population,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
leadership, international trade and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
lifestyle, freedom of speech, technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
, enhanced export and
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilisation' is British English.
utilisation
of internal resources can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
, not alone.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
83Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that education system is the only critical factor to the development of a country. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
476 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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