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Some people say that education system is the only critical factor to the development of a country. v.3

Some people say that education system is the only critical factor to the development of a country. v. 3
Many people believe that education is the most important factor for a country's development. I personally agree that education is one of the most important components for the growth of any country, but there are other crucial factors that should be considered by the government and the people. The following paragraphs will explain in details about both views and will show my position on this issue. On the one hand, it is true that education plays an important role in the progress of a nation. As more and more people become educated, common society issues will soon be decreasing. For example, in the past, the percentage of illiterate people in China was around 50%. Consequently, many of the people were living in poverty as most of their occupation were low skill workers with low incomes. But then the government realised these inconvenient conditions and tried to develop the education system. Some of the programs were giving free educations for the children and providing scholarships for scientists and engineers. As a result, the country has experienced a significant increase in the economic sectors, and now China plays a significant role in the world economy. On the other hand, there are other factors that should be improved and one of them would be health. Countries that have a good healthcare system will have healthier residents which affect the productivity of the labours. Another crucial factor would be technology as it plays a significant role in the development of a country in this modern era. For example, agricultural countries that use technology for their farming activities will be more productive than the old fashioned ones. As they use tools such as tractors and bulldozers, they will be faster in planting and cultivating their lands compared to the traditional ones. In conclusion, I disagree if education is the only factor that would develop a nation. I do believe that education plays an important role in the development of a country, but there are other factors that should be considered by the government as well, such as health and technology.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
for a country's development. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is one of the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
components for the growth of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that should
be considered
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The following paragraphs will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about both views and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
my position on this issue.

On the one hand, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in the progress of a nation. As more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become educated, common society issues will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
be decreasing.
For example
, in the past, the percentage of illiterate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in China was around 50%.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were living in poverty as most of their occupation were low
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
workers with low incomes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
then the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
these inconvenient conditions and tried to develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
programs were giving free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educations
for the children and providing scholarships for scientists and engineers.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has experienced a significant increase in the economic sectors, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
China
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in the world economy.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
and one of them would be health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
that have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
healthcare system will have healthier residents which affect the productivity of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
. Another crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
would be technology as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in the development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in this modern era.
For example
, agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
technology for their farming activities will be more productive than the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
old fashioned
ones. As they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
tools such as tractors and bulldozers, they will be faster in planting and cultivating their lands compared to the traditional ones.

In conclusion
, I disagree if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
that would develop a nation. I do believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in the development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that should
be considered
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
as well
, such as health and technology.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that education system is the only critical factor to the development of a country. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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