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Many people believe that it is important to protect the environment but they make no effort to protect it themselves Why do you think it is the case What actions do you think that individuals can do to protect the environment v.3

Many people believe that it is important to protect the environment but they make no effort to protect it themselves Why do you think it is the case What actions do you think that individuals can do to protect the environment v. 3
Although paid work is thought by some to be a good experience for children, other people think that it can be detrimental. In my opinion, I consider that paid work can bring about more advantages for children compared to any problems it might bring. Despite the drawbacks below, I believe the benefits gained by children doing work experience are extremely useful for their future. Firstly, children can develop an understanding of the value of money. This is a crucial lesson to learn as it teaches them not to waste money by realising the amount of work needed to earn it. Secondly, children take their first steps in learning how to save and manage money. Take many older children, for instance, who have a part time job in order to save up for something they would otherwise be unable to afford. Learning money management is an essential skill later in life when they earn salaries and have bills to pay. Admittedly, there are some issues involved when children do paid work. One problem is that it might expose them to exploitation through slave labour. For example, in some developing countries children are made to work full time, but due to their age are not protected by law. However, this situation is rare, only happening in certain countries. Another negative aspect is that the time children spend working could prevent them from focusing on their school work. Having a good education is the key to a successful future, so if work interferes with their academic performance this can be a problem. There are some issues involved with the benefits. In conclusion, The critical lessons that children can learn when they work for money will stand them in good stead when they are adults and clearly outweigh any disadvantages.
Although paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
experience for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it can be detrimental. In my opinion, I consider that paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can bring about more advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
compared to any problems it might bring.

Despite the drawbacks below, I believe the benefits gained by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience are
extremely
useful for their future.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can develop an understanding of the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. This is a crucial lesson to learn as it teaches them not to waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by
Possible spelling mistake. 'realising' is British English.
realising
the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
needed to earn it.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
take their
first
steps in learning how to save and manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
for instance
, who have a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
job in order to save up for something they would
otherwise
be unable to afford. Learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management is an essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
later in life when they earn salaries and have bills to pay.

Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues involved when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. One problem is that it might expose them to exploitation through slave
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are made
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
full time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to their age are not protected by law.
However
, this situation is rare,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
happening in certain countries. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspect is that the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend working could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from focusing on their school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education is the key to a successful future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
interferes with their academic performance this can be a problem.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues involved with the benefits.
In conclusion
, The critical lessons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will stand them in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
stead when they are adults and
clearly
outweigh any disadvantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that it is important to protect the environment but they make no effort to protect it themselves Why do you think it is the case What actions do you think that individuals can do to protect the environment v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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