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09/10/2017Some people say that computer games are bad for children by all means; others believe that these games are contributing to children’s development. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

09/10/2017Some people say that computer games are bad for children by all means; others believe that these games are contributing to children’s development. v. 2
Many aver video games have an adverse influence on offspring while others claim the games are useful for progeny’s development. Below both prospects will be discussed and author’s opinion will be stated. On the one hand, playing on a computer has some disadvantageous effects on children. Firstly, youngsters who often adore action games and shooters are exposed to the violence. Their hero routinely kills and get killed and children who cannot at early age separate themselves from the character become accustomed to committing crimes. Statistically, the number of delinquencies committed by adolescents has doubled since the computer games had become widespread in the 1990s. Secondly, gaming is associated with a sedentary lifestyle and this tendency possesses a threat to offspring' s overall well-being and leads to such problems as excessive weight and even diabetes. Many doctors attribute a recent surge in those illnesses to the bad habit of staying all-day-long in front of a laptop screen. Those are several examples that support the first point of view. On the other hand, some point out gaming has a positive impact on descendants’ development. Primarily, motor skills, reaction and consequently functioning of children’s brains are being forged by video games. To illustrate, a study conducted in the USA has demonstrated the speed of reaction of those who were playing since the age of four is twice of those who avoided playing on computers. Furthermore, being able to socialize in contemporary society is another benefit. Computer games have become so ubiquitous today the majority of pupils and students play them. If a child wants to be accepted by peers and to have friends, he needs to have this experience of playing novel video games because without it he may become an outcast among youngsters. In other words, the second viewpoint appears to be correct. In my opinion, although there are some drawbacks that are undoubtedly connected with playing computer games, the trend is unstoppable and the number of kids playing keeps growing steadily. Thus, the mankind need embrace the change and accept those games as a beneficial part of a modern culture.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
aver video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have an adverse influence on offspring while others claim the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are useful for progeny’s development. Below both prospects will
be discussed
and author’s opinion will
be stated
.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
on a computer has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantageous effects on children.
Firstly
, youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
adore action
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and shooters
are exposed
to the violence. Their hero
routinely
kills and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
killed and children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
cannot at early age separate themselves from the character
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
accustomed to committing crimes.
Statistically
, the number of delinquencies committed by adolescents has doubled since the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
widespread in the 1990s.
Secondly
, gaming
is associated
with a sedentary lifestyle and this tendency possesses a threat to
Possible spelling mistake found.
offspring&
#039; s
overall
well-being and leads to such problems as excessive weight and even diabetes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
doctors attribute a recent surge in those illnesses to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit of staying all-day-long in front of a laptop screen. Those are several examples that support the
first
point of view.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point out gaming has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on descendants’ development.
Primarily
, motor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, reaction and
consequently
functioning of children’s brains are
being forged
by video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. To illustrate, a study conducted in the USA has demonstrated the speed of reaction of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
since the age of four is twice of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
avoided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
on computers.
Furthermore
, being able to socialize in contemporary society is another benefit. Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
ubiquitous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
the majority of pupils and students play them. If a child wants to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by peers and to have friends, he needs to have this experience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
novel video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without
Consider adding a comma here.
it
he may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an outcast among youngsters.
In other words
, the second viewpoint appears to be correct.

In my opinion, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks that are
undoubtedly
connected with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, the trend is unstoppable and the number of kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
growing
steadily
.
Thus
, the mankind need embrace the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and accept those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as a beneficial part of a modern culture.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay 09/10/2017Some people say that computer games are bad for children by all means; others believe that these games are contributing to children’s development. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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