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Some people say computer games are bad for children by all means; others believe that these games are contributing to children's development. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people say computer games are bad for children by all means; others believe that these games are contributing to children's development. v. 1
kids activities have been shifted from outdoor to rooms specifically to screens and they are going far from the important facets of their life due to the extreme usage of computer games. The particular topic asserts that whether the role of computer games for children; bad or not? Through this essay, I shall explore the dimensions of this topic and shape up my opinion by the end. To begin with, there are some people who believe that playing video games improve the hand-eye co-ordination of children which lead their level of concentration at a high point. Moreover, they would be able to do every task with full attention if they have once developed the ability of concentration in themselves. They further believe that it is important for the overall development of the children because children learn how to follow the instructions carefully by playing computer games because the instructions have been followed by them while playing any tasking game. For example, while playing video games, students have to cross various levels to reach at a final destination so they play the game with full attention and follow the instructions carefully therefore, it may lead them to follow the instructions of their known ones. On the flip side, there are some antagonists to this assertion who believe that it is not good for children to play video games. They bolster their view point by claiming that the children who play video games are more likely to be far away from their family and friends. Moreover, they become addicted towards these games when play it above from the limit and it may lead them socially isolated as most of the time they endulge themselves in playing computer games rather than to conversate with other people. For example, such type of children would be disconnected with their families and they do not learn the morale and social values. It may only be achieved if they would spend most of the with their friends and family. Nevertheless, weighing both the opinions, I tend to believe that there is no single conclusion still, I take this ground that computer games should be limited in use otherwise, it would be dangerous for the children if they would make use of it excessively.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
kids
activities have
been shifted
from outdoor to rooms
specifically
to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
screens and
they are going far from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
facets of their life due to the extreme usage of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. The particular topic asserts that whether the role of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
or not? Through this essay, I shall explore the dimensions of this topic and shape up my opinion by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the hand-eye co-ordination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which lead their level of concentration at a high point.
Moreover
, they would be able to do every task with full attention if they have once developed the ability of concentration in themselves. They
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
overall
development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn how to follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instructions
carefully
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instructions
have
been followed
by them while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
any tasking game.
For example
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cross various levels to reach at a final destination
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
the game with full attention and follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instructions
carefully
therefore
, it may lead them to follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instructions
of their known ones.

On the flip side, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
antagonists to this assertion who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. They bolster their view point by claiming that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are more likely to be far away from their family and friends.
Moreover
, they become addicted towards these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
it above from the limit and it may lead them
socially
isolated as most of the time they
Possible spelling mistake found.
endulge
themselves in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than to
Possible spelling mistake found.
conversate
with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
, such type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would
be disconnected
with their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
families and
they do not learn the morale and social values. It may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be achieved
if they would spend most of the with their friends and family.

Nevertheless
, weighing both the opinions, I tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that there is no single conclusion
still
, I take this ground that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
should
be limited
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
otherwise
, it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
if they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of it
excessively
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say computer games are bad for children by all means; others believe that these games are contributing to children's development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
376 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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