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some people say that playing computer games is bad for children in every aspect. Others say that playing computer games can have positive effects on the way children develop. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

some people say that playing computer games is bad for children in every aspect. Others say that playing computer games can have positive effects on the way children develop. v. 1
Children spend several hours for playing video games which have become increasingly popular recently. While some people believe that playing an electronic game would be harmful, others think that video games may help the development of children in many ways. Here, I would account for both sides with my own perception. On the one hand, there are several negative impacts on children if they keep playing the computer game in a long period. Firstly, an immature child is highly addicted to the feeling of going through the next levels of a game or boosting score to break a record. This type addiction can also cause some problems with their school, a lack of sleep or unfinished homework are consequences of spending for a few more hours on the playstation. Moreover, children tend to stay quite at the same place for playing electronic games instead of working out, having a high risk of health hazards such as obesity, weak visions, and eye strain. Lastly, It can be noticed that the themes of a majority of the video games are prominently based on violent battle. Overindulgence to such games makes the young minds of children susceptible to emotional indifference. On the other hand, virtual games can be both entertaining and educational. To begin with, these games encourage imagination as well as concentration, which are useful skills in real life. To specific, shooting games can help children think quickly and develop their hand-eye coordination. Furthermore, the video games foster brain development and problem-solving skills. For instance, online Puzzles and number games are increasingly being used by schools to improve thinking capacity of the pupil. In conclusion, playing computer games has both advantages and disadvantages. Children are easily affected by electronic games, therefore, parents should assist them to choose the right games and ensure that they are not spending their entire day in front of the screen.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
spend several hours for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which have become
increasingly
popular recently. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
an electronic game would be harmful, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. Here, I would account for both sides with my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perception.

On the one hand, there are several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
the computer game in a long period.
Firstly
, an immature child is
highly
addicted to the feeling of going through the
next
levels of a game or boosting score to break a record. This type addiction can
also
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems with their school, a lack of sleep or unfinished homework are consequences of spending for a few more hours on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
playstation
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to stay quite at the same place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
instead
of working out, having a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of health hazards such as obesity, weak visions, and eye strain.
Lastly
, It can
be noticed
that the themes of a majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
prominently
based on violent battle. Overindulgence to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the young minds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
susceptible to emotional indifference.

On the other hand
, virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be both entertaining and educational. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
encourage imagination
as well
as concentration, which are useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in real life. To specific, shooting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
quickly
and develop their hand-eye coordination.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
foster brain development and problem-solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
, online Puzzles and number
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
increasingly
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by schools to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
thinking capacity of the pupil.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has both advantages and disadvantages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
therefore
, parents should assist them to choose the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and ensure that they are not spending their entire day in front of the screen.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay some people say that playing computer games is bad for children in every aspect. Others say that playing computer games can have positive effects on the way children develop. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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