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Some people say that children should learn all the subjects equally. Whereas others think that they should only learn what they are interested in. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that children should learn all the subjects equally. Whereas others think that they should only learn what they are interested in. v. 1
Some people think that children should focus on learning on all the subjects. In contrast, others believe that they should learn subjects which they find interesting. In my opinion, I agree that children should be interested while studying a subject which will encourage them to study more. On the one hand, some people assert that a child should concentrate to educate themselves on subjects that interests them, and I agree. In other words, studying on specific field of study gives an opportunity to the child to acquire in depth knowledge about the compelling subject. For instance, in schools, teachers educate students on various topics, but there is a chance that only few of them like mathematics and others might find it difficult to solve the equations. Furthermore, based on what children like to do, they can flourish in that field instead of exploring every area of study. On the other hand, there is an opinion asserted that children should gain an understanding of all the subjects. Simply put, children should have knowledge of all the subject matters even if the topic is uninteresting. For instance, some parents force their children to study engineering, only because they think it will help them to land a high-paying job. Unfortunately, children tend to fail the exams due to lack of interest. Additionally, it would be difficult for a child to concentrate on too many subjects at a time and can create a constant pressure to have profound knowledge of everything. To conclude, while people may vary in their opinions, I think that children should be given the opportunity to explore the subjects which generates curiosity in them to learn more and succeed in that field.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should focus on learning on all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
In contrast
, others believe that they should learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which they find interesting. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be interested
while studying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
which will encourage them to study more.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert that a child should concentrate to educate themselves on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that interests them, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, studying on specific field of study gives an opportunity to the child to acquire in depth knowledge about the compelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
For instance
, in schools, teachers educate students on various topics,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is a chance that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
few of them like mathematics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
might find it difficult to solve the equations.
Furthermore
, based on what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like to do, they can flourish in that field
instead
of exploring every area of study.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there is an opinion asserted that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should gain an understanding of all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
Simply
put,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should have knowledge of all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
matters even if the topic is uninteresting.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents force their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to study engineering,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to land a high-paying job. Unfortunately,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to fail the exams due to lack of interest.
Additionally
, it would be difficult for a child to concentrate on too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at a time and can create a constant pressure to have profound knowledge of everything.

To conclude
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary in their opinions, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity to explore the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which generates curiosity in them to learn more and succeed in that field.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that children should learn all the subjects equally. Whereas others think that they should only learn what they are interested in. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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