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Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are reasons for these behaviors? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v.6

Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are reasons for these behaviors? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v. 6
It is a fact that people are becoming more consumptive and materialistic these days, as many of them purchase luxurious goods or things that they do not really need and debts are common among such people. There are various reasons that have caused the situation and the following essay will discuss them and some of the things that people could do to address the problem. For a number of reasons, many people are facing debt problem nowadays due to the consumptive lifestyles. Firstly, with the existence of social media such as Facebook or Instagram, more people are showing off their luxurious goods, take some photos and upload them into the applications and it triggers them to buy fancy stuff. Secondly, with the significant growth in the number of elite malls, they attract people in spending more money on secondary needs such as fashion, jewellery or gadgets. And lastly, as applying and obtaining credit cards are easier these days, many people are buying expensive things which are greater than their income. As a consequence of this hedonism lifestyle, many people are ended up with a serious problem of debts. There are several things that people could do to solve the problem. One of them is that there should be a clear regulation about credit cards that must be followed by banks and financial institutions, regarding the procedure of issuing credit cards to their consumers. It must be ensured that the credit limit that is given to credit card holders is aligned with the individual’s income. And then, instead of adding more malls in the city, the government should focus on building more public parks and children playgrounds. Therefore, people would have more options for entertainments besides going to the shopping centres. In conclusion, it is true that a lot of people are having debt problems, as they purchase luxurious stuff and having fancy lifestyles. Some of the factors that trigger the problem are due to the effect of social media, the increasing number of shopping malls and the easier procedure in obtaining credit cards. And to solve the issue, the government should make a better regulation about credit card usage and build more public facilities; therefore people have more alternative places to visit beside malls.
It is a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more consumptive and materialistic these days, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
luxurious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
or things that they do not
really
need and debts are common among such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There are various reasons that have caused the situation and the following essay will discuss them and
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could do to address the problem.

For a number of reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing debt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
nowadays due to the consumptive lifestyles.
Firstly
, with the existence of social media such as Facebook or Instagram, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are showing off their luxurious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
photos and upload them into the applications and it triggers them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
fancy stuff.
Secondly
, with the significant growth in the number of elite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
, they attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in spending more money on secondary needs such as fashion,
Possible spelling mistake. 'jewellery' is British English.
jewellery
or gadgets. And
lastly
, as applying and obtaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
are easier these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are buying expensive things which are greater than their income. As a consequence of this hedonism lifestyle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are ended
up with a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of debts.

There are several things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could do to solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. One of them is that there should be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
regulation about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be followed
by banks and financial institutions, regarding the procedure of issuing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
to their consumers. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be ensured
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
limit
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
holders
is aligned
with the individual’s income. And then,
instead
of adding more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
in the city, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should focus on building more public parks and children playgrounds.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would have more options for entertainments
besides
going to the shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.

In conclusion
, it is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are having debt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
luxurious stuff and having fancy lifestyles.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
factors that trigger the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
are due to the effect of social media, the increasing number of shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
and the easier procedure in obtaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
. And to solve the issue, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better regulation about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
usage and build more public facilities;
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more alternative places to visit beside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are reasons for these behaviors? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
374 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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