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Many people say that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects equally. Others, however, believe that students should spend more time on subjects they like, or are good at. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Many people say that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects equally. Others, however, believe that students should spend more time on subjects they like, or are good at. v. 1
Nowadays, several schools allow students to choose subjects that they like or are good at. Some people agree with this new curriculum while others argue that adolescents should equally knowledgeable on all school subjects. In this essay, I shall discuss both views and provide my personal opinion on why I believe students should focus on certain subjects. On one hand, it is mentioned in some scientific journals that to be able to master something, someone has to invest the minimum of 6 hours daily for practicing on that certain thing for at least 1, 000 days. Hence, people have no time to master several different things at the same time. For example, it is never mentioned that a well-known musician become a professional athlete as well. However, mastering only specific things has a disadvantage. For example, art students have to know at least basic maths as it is inevitably necessary in daily life. Adolescent cannot disregard some subjects that can help them with facing unpredictable future. On the other hand, it is almost impossible for someone to concentrate on all school subjects equally. As it is mentioned above that teenagers have to focus on learning a specific thing to be able to master it, unless they will end up being average. Besides, our brain is not designed to do multi-tasking as it is widely known. However, having sufficient knowledge on all subjects on all subjects is necessary to face uncertain future. For example, in 90s era, parents labelled children who spent hours in front of computer screens as lazy dwellers. It turns out, IT skills are necessary in this modern era. In conclusion, I believe that focusing on certain subjects helps adolescents to reach their goal faster. However, moderate level of knowledge regarding other school subjects is necessary for them as a safety net for facing unpredictable future.
Nowadays, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
students to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that they like or are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this new curriculum while others argue that adolescents should
equally
knowledgeable on all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. In this essay, I shall discuss both views and provide my personal opinion on why I believe students should focus on certain subjects.

On one hand, it
is mentioned
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scientific journals that to be able to master something, someone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
invest the minimum of 6 hours daily for practicing on that certain thing for at least 1, 000 days.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have no time to master several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things at the same time.
For example
, it is never mentioned that a well-known musician become a professional athlete
as well
.
However
, mastering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
specific things has a disadvantage.
For example
, art students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
know at least basic
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
as it is
inevitably
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
in daily life. Adolescent cannot disregard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them with facing unpredictable future.

On the other hand
, it is almost impossible for someone to concentrate on all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
equally
. As it
is mentioned
above that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus on learning a specific thing to be able to master it, unless they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up being average.
Besides
, our brain is not designed to do multi-tasking as it is
widely
known.
However
, having sufficient knowledge on all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
on all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
to face uncertain future.
For example
, in 90s era, parents labelled children who spent hours in front of computer screens as lazy dwellers. It turns out, IT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
in this modern era.

In conclusion
, I believe that focusing on certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
adolescents to reach their goal faster.
However
, moderate level of knowledge regarding other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
for them as a safety net for facing unpredictable future.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Many people say that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects equally. Others, however, believe that students should spend more time on subjects they like, or are good at. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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