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In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages of this overweight the disadvantages? v.3

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages of this overweight the disadvantages? v. 3
In contrast to the number of children who attend a traditional school, there is an increasing count of children being schooled at home by their parents. Despite that this offers some benefits, there seems to be more drawbacks of being taught at home by the child's parents rather than at school, and I agree. Analysing the benefit of parental care when taught at home, and the lack of socialising as drawback of not attending a formal school, will establish the idea. To begin with, children who are educated at home are usually well-supervised by their parents. For example, a recent study concluded that 80 percent of homeschooled children, are better behaved in public as compared only 50 percent of students from conventional school, which are usually too active outside their homes. This is because children who learn at home are trained more on attitude and morals by their parents, which makes them to apply themselves with good manners anywhere they find themselves. Overall, the main benefit of schooling at home would perhaps be to gain good character through parental guidance. On the other hand, there is a significant disadvantage of being gaining education solely at home, which is evident in the minor's social life. For instance, most children make more friends at school, which the socialize with for an extended period of time than having only friends in their neighbourhood. Because of this, such child will have exposure to more aspects of life than if such child schooled at home. Evidently, children who go to school will undoubtedly learn more about adapting in the society as a whole better than a stereotypical approach of home schooling. In conclusion, although there is an argument that when a child is educated by their parents at home, they tend to be well-behaved in the public, the drawback of not having to socialise and make more friends by going to school to learn by far outweighs such minor benefit because such child will be better prepared generally for the future. It seems advisable that parents should encourage their children to attend school outside their home.
In contrast
to the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
attend a traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, there is an increasing count of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being schooled
at home by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Despite that this offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
, there seems to be more drawbacks of
being taught
at home by the child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
rather
than at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Analysing' is British English.
Analysing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
of parental care when taught at home, and the lack of
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
as drawback of not attending a formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, will establish the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are educated
at home are
usually
well-supervised by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For example
, a recent study concluded that 80 percent of homeschooled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, are better behaved in public as compared
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
50 percent of students from conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, which are
usually
too active outside their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
learn at home
are trained
more on attitude and morals
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
by


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them to apply themselves with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manners anywhere they find themselves.
Overall
, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
of schooling at home would perhaps be to gain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
character through parental guidance.

On the other hand
, there is a significant disadvantage of being gaining education
solely
at home, which is evident in the minor's social life.
For instance
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more friends at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, which the
Do not mix variants of the same word ('socialize' and 'socialise') within a single text.
socialize
with for an extended period of time than having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
friends in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
.
Because of this
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
will have exposure to more aspects of life than if such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
schooled at home.
Evidently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will
undoubtedly
learn more about adapting in the society as a whole better than a stereotypical approach of
This word is normally spelled as one.
home schooling
.

In conclusion
, although there is an argument that when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is educated
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
at home, they tend to be well-behaved in the public, the drawback of not having to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more friends by going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to learn by far outweighs such minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
will be better prepared
generally
for the future. It seems advisable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
outside their home.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages of this overweight the disadvantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
351 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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