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Some people say that charity organizations are established to aid the people in a great need, no matter where they live, however some agree that they should support their own country first discuss and state your views. v.2

Some people say that charity organizations are established to aid the people in a great need, no matter where they live, however some agree that they should support their own country first discuss and state your views. v. 2
It has become a consensus that charity organizations have the responsibility providing necessary aid to the people who lived in a poor condition. Nowadays, it is a controversial issue whether those charity organizations should pay attention to their own country. From my perspective, more benefits will surface when charity organization focus on the people wherever they live. On the one hand, it seems more reasonable for charity organizations to help the citizens who lived in their country. Firstly, this help from charity organizations to the natives is definitely more precise. Without language barrier and distance limitations, it is easy for public to find out the people who really need the help. As a consequence, the funds of charity organizations can be used more effective. Secondly, all the results of these actions can be seen and supervised by charity organizations as well as the whole public. It is undoubtedly of benefit to prevent corruption. On the other hand, other people believe an opposite opinion that the needs of help rather than the distance should be the main concern to the charity organizations. It is a common acceptance that more people are living in poor condition that need necessary help from overseas. To illustrate, many people who live in a developing country especially in some African country are suffering from poverty and starve. If the charity organizations only funded their dwellers in industrial country, it may intensify the conflicts between poor and wealthy countries. In addition, those agricultural countries are prone to beat by disasters and diseases and they are unable to get rid of those nightmares. Therefore, it makes sense that charity organizations in other countries to give vaccines for charity organizations in other countries. In conclusion, both two ways have its own merits and as far as I am concerned, based on the humanitarianism, it is better for the whole world that the charity organizations have a more spacious view instead of giving priority to their own residents.
It has become a consensus that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
have the responsibility providing necessary aid to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in a poor condition. Nowadays, it is a controversial issue whether those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
should pay attention to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. From my perspective, more benefits will surface when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wherever they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

On the one hand, it seems more reasonable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Firstly
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
to the natives is definitely more precise. Without language barrier and distance limitations, it is easy for public to find out the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
really
need the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
. As a consequence, the funds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
more effective.
Secondly
, all the results of these actions can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
and supervised by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
as well
as the whole public. It is
undoubtedly
of benefit to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
corruption.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe an opposite opinion that the needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
rather
than the distance should be the main concern to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
. It is a common acceptance that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living in poor condition that need necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from overseas. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
especially
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
are suffering from poverty and starve. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
funded their dwellers in industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, it may intensify the conflicts between poor and wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
In addition
, those agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are prone to beat by disasters and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
diseases and
they are unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of those nightmares.
Therefore
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
sense that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to give vaccines for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries.

In conclusion
, both two ways have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits and as far as I
am concerned
, based on the humanitarianism, it is better for the whole world that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
have a more spacious view
instead
of giving priority to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
residents.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
51Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that charity organizations are established to aid the people in a great need, no matter where they live, however some agree that they should support their own country first discuss and state your views. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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