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Some young adults want to be independent as soon as possible. While others prefer to live with family member as long as they can. v.2

Some young adults want to be independent as soon as possible. While others prefer to live with family member as long as they can. v. 2
In the modernization world, teenagers are eagerly waiting for the time when they can leave their parent’s home in order to live independents life, however, the reality of freedom life is not what teenagers have expected in their dreams. From my vintage point, I would prefer to stay with family members as long as I can. As far as the topic of independent life is concerned, I think, adults can still be independent in their actions. The first exquisite point to be mentioned is that youngsters, who leave their parents to gain freedom, face lots of trouble in life. Indeed, young people feel very excited at the beginning of a nuclear life, but when it comes to paying all utility bills, they become vulnerable. Youngsters become independent physically, but they need more time to become mature mentally. Moreover, in order to get mental and financial support during the university study, staying with parents is a rational decision. It would be better to focus on hard work during the college life in order to make a brighter career. Living with family members has a less responsibility and stress compared to living alone. Thus, staying long with parents would help to make a future life better. Another reason that deserves some words is that by living with family an adult gets appropriate suggestions in difficult situations. With the help of vast experience and knowledge, parents always point out a right way, which leads to safe and secure life. Nowadays, the adults who live separate from their parents, have accepted illegal ways of living like drinking alcohols and taking drugs. Parents always keep their eyes open for this kind of irrational behaviors and whenever necessary they can control their offspring. Independent living adults often make a wrong decision about their marriage, as they do not think about long-term consequences. Whereas the youngsters who live with parents, they prefer to enroll their parents in to the important decision in order to avoid future break ups. Third, in order to take care of parents living with them is very crucial. Apparently, during our entire childhood, parents take responsibility of their loved one and nurture them with lots of love and care. During the adulthood, its adult’s responsibility to reward his/ her parents back with great care, love and financial support. After earning money, it’s now children’s time to fulfill all need of parents like medication, food etc. what could be the best way reward parents for their sleepless nights, which they sacrificed during our infant hood? To wrap up, I would firmly prefer to stay with my parents to get help from them, to get their appropriate guidance and to take care of my parents in retirement life
In the modernization world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are
eagerly
waiting for the time when they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
home in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "independents'" or "independent's"?
independents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
however
, the reality of freedom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is not what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
in their dreams. From my
Did you mean "vantage point"?
vintage point
, I would prefer to stay with family members as long as I can. As far as the topic of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is concerned
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
can
still
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
in their actions.

The
first
exquisite point to
be mentioned
is that youngsters, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to gain freedom, face lots of trouble in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Indeed
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
excited at the beginning of a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to paying all utility bills, they become vulnerable. Youngsters become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
physically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they need more time to become mature mentally.
Moreover
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
mental and financial support during the university study, staying with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is a rational decision. It would be better to focus on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work during the college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a brighter career.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Living
with family members has a less responsibility and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
alone.
Thus
, staying long with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
better.

Another reason that deserves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
words is that by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with family an adult
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
appropriate suggestions in difficult situations. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of vast experience and knowledge,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
always point out a right way, which leads to safe and secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Nowadays, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
separate from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
illegal ways of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
like drinking alcohols and taking drugs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their eyes open for this kind of irrational behaviors and whenever necessary they can control their offspring.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
decision about their marriage, as they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about long-term consequences. Whereas the youngsters who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, they prefer to enroll their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decision in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to avoid future
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
break ups
.

Third, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with them is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial.
Apparently
, during our entire childhood,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
take responsibility of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
one and nurture them with lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
. During the adulthood, its adult’s responsibility to reward his/ her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
back with great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and financial support. After earning money, it’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
children’s time to fulfill all need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
like medication, food etc. what could be the best way reward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for their sleepless nights, which they sacrificed during our infant hood?

To wrap up, I would
firmly
prefer to stay with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from them, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their appropriate guidance and to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some young adults want to be independent as soon as possible. While others prefer to live with family member as long as they can. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
452 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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