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Some people say that art is an essential subject and everyone should learn it in school. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people say that art is an essential subject and everyone should learn it in school. v. 2
It is argued by some that art should be made a mandatory subject in the classroom for every young one. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this statement because enforcing a subject might affect a child's academic performance and also prevent them from getting decent jobs later in life. Firstly, art should not be made compulsory in school because forcing a child to learn this could affect the youngster if he is not interested in the course. In other words, a child might have a flair for other subjects like science, mathematics and if he attends a school where art is essential, the academic capabilities of this young one will not be fully maximized, and this will drastically result in the child performing badly in school. Furthermore, other important subjects like science and technology are more beneficial because they will increase the child's ability of getting decent jobs in the future. That is, limiting a child to studying arts cripples the little one's future prospects as areas such as science and technology increases one's chances of getting high paying careers in the future. Moreover, most parents would rather prefer their offsprings studying subjects that improve their career prospects than courses related to arts which might not yield as much as technological courses. For example, it has been reported by the Nigerian Labour Congress in 2019 that graduates have better chances of getting offers in scientific and technical fields than other counterparts. To conclude, it is highly necessary that subjects like art is not forced on children as this might affect the performance of the offspring in the classroom and also limit the child's ability of getting lucrative jobs down the line.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should
be made
a mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in the classroom for every young one. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
enforcing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
affect a child's academic performance and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from getting decent jobs later in life.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should not
be made
compulsory in school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
forcing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to learn this could affect the youngster if he is not interested in the course. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have a flair for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like science, mathematics and if he attends a school where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is essential, the academic capabilities of this young one will not be
fully
maximized, and this will
drastically
result in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
performing
badly
in school.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like science and technology are more beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will increase the child's ability of getting decent jobs in the future.
That is
, limiting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
cripples the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
one's future prospects as areas such as science and technology increases one's chances of getting high paying careers in the future.
Moreover
, most parents would
rather
prefer their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their career prospects than courses related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not yield as much as technological courses.
For example
, it has
been reported
by the Nigerian
Possible spelling mistake. 'Labour' is British English.
Labour
Congress in 2019 that graduates have better chances of getting offers in scientific and technical fields than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
counterparts.

To conclude
, it is
highly
necessary that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is not forced on children as this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
affect the performance of the offspring in the classroom and
also
limit the child's ability of getting lucrative jobs down the line.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Some people say that art is an essential subject and everyone should learn it in school. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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