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Some people say that art is an essential subject and every child should learn it in school. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say that art is an essential subject and every child should learn it in school. v. 1
Some people say that art is an essential subject and every child should learn it in school. Do you agree or disagree? It is believed by some people that children should be taught art as a subject in school because it is considered as vital curriculum. In my opinion, I completely disagree that art is an important subject in school because it does not help with career and support main study topics. The first and foremost reason why children should not learn art is that it does not facilitate to secure prospective career. In other words, by learning art as a skill, it is not possible to earn attractive remuneration in these days. For example, many artists’ livelihoods in Bangladesh depend on government grants. Therefore, art cannot be an essential subject in school as it does not contribute to lead a prosperous life. Another reason of not studying art in school is that it will hamper the study of main subjects such as science, maths and English. In other words, students will get less time to concentrate on their main subjects, which is vital for future admission in college. Moreover, devoting all study time in improving the grades of principal subjects helps children to secure better career in life. Finally, the school should teach subjects, which relate to other principal subjects. For example, computer class will be more beneficial to children rather than art class because in future it will help them in doing science projects. Thus, children should not learn art in school as a compulsory subject. In conclusion, as art does not contribute to future job and support principal study subjects, children should not learn it in school.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is an essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
and every child should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
it in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
or disagree?

It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
is considered
as vital curriculum. In my opinion, I completely disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with career and support main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
topics.

The
first
and foremost reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is that it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not facilitate to secure prospective career.
In other words
, by learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, it is not possible to earn attractive remuneration in these days.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
artists’ livelihoods in Bangladesh depend on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
grants.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
cannot be an essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not contribute to lead a prosperous life.

Another reason of not studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is that it will hamper the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
of main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as science,
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and English.
In other words
, students will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
less time to concentrate on their main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, which is vital for future admission in college.
Moreover
, devoting all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
time in improving the grades of principal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to secure better career in life.

Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, which relate to other principal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
For example
, computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
will be more beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in future it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in doing science projects.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as a compulsory subject.

In conclusion
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not contribute to future job and support principal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
it in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Some people say that art is an essential subject and every child should learn it in school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
280 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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