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Some people say that art is an essential subject and everyone should learn it in school. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say that art is an essential subject and everyone should learn it in school. v. 1
It is argued by some that art should be made a mandatory subject in the classroom for The relevance of arts subjects in today's world has been a subject of discussion in recent times. While some people believe that these subjects are very much important, and therefore, should be offered by everyone, I, however, do not agree with this assertion for a number of reasons. To begin with, students of art find it very difficult to land a good job after graduation. Unlike in the past where society places more emphasis on art works, people no longer value such works of art as they do before. Instead, they are more concerned with the exciting world of science and technology, and this has led to a steady decline in the number of jobs available for graduates of art courses. In fact, in a recent survey by the Arts Department at the University of Benin, only twenty percent of art students eventually get a decent job offer later on in life. This goes to show why nobody should be made to learn art in schools. Another reason why art courses should not be offered by everyone is because they're too abstract. Most subjects in the arts require some form of virtual thinking to bring to life that which does not exist, and most students find it difficult to cope with this. As such, only some few talented students do well in them. Most individuals are, however, more inclined towards the more practical technical subjects and therefore, it'll be greatly unfair to force them to do these abstract courses in art. To illustrate, the number of American teenagers who perform exceptionally well in art-related courses have been known to prefer virtual works to practical ones. It is therefore evident that not everyone will perform greatly in the arts given their different inclinations. To conclude, it is highly necessary that subjects like art is not made essential as this might limit the child's ability of getting lucrative jobs down the line.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should
be made
a mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in the classroom for

The relevance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world has been a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
of discussion in recent times. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, and
therefore
, should
be offered
by everyone, I,
however
, do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this assertion for a number of reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
find it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to land a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after graduation. Unlike in the past where society places more emphasis on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
works,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
no longer value such works of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
as they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Instead
, they are more concerned with the exciting world of science and technology, and this has led to a steady decline in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
available for graduates of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. In fact, in a recent survey by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
Department at the University of Benin,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
twenty percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
offer later on in life. This goes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
why nobody should
be made
to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in schools.

Another reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
should not
be offered
by everyone is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they're too abstract. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
form of virtual thinking to bring to life that which does not exist, and most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
find it difficult to cope with this. As such,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
few talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do well in them. Most individuals are,
however
, more inclined towards the more practical technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and
therefore
, it'll be
greatly
unfair to force them to do these abstract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. To illustrate, the number of American
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who perform
exceptionally
well in art-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
have
been known
to prefer virtual works to practical ones.

It is
therefore
evident that not everyone will perform
greatly
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
inclinations.

To conclude
, it is
highly
necessary that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is not made essential as this might limit the child's ability of getting lucrative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
down the line.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Some people say that art is an essential subject and everyone should learn it in school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
337 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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