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Some people say that art is an essential subject and every child should learn it in school. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people say that art is an essential subject and every child should learn it in school. v. 3
Among all the of subjects, art is very important and should be the part of every child’s curriculum. I would agree with the statement because it can develop creativity as well as psychologically it plays a vital role in one’s life. The ability to create things is considered as a part of the art and it helps the child to build his or her intellectual capabilities. Creativity has a wide range, it can be a craft work, painting, drawings so on and so forth. These things increase the imagination power and enhance their cognitive skills. Every child has some talent but need to sharpen their skills by practice so that can perform well. Along with it they can even pursue this as a career in future too. For example, recent researches proves that those children who do practice in art would perform better in all aspects of life. Moreover, this is a tool that can be used as anxiety, stress management additionally we can identify emotional disturbances through painting, drawing and different sort of imagination. Every person either children or adult is facing difficulties and hardships in their life that might raise mental health problems such as stress, anxiety, depression and other phobias. By using these skills, we can rule out the problem areas as well as help in controlling increasing issues. For instance, it has proven through studies that those people who are suffering from any psychological issue can share their concerns more easily and can be better treated through by these techniques. To conclude, subject art is very crucial that focuses on skills which have indirect impact on person’s life because art is some kind of mind diversional activity that is very necessary for the well-being. Henceforth, it must be added in the school courses.
Among all the of subjects,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and should be the part of every child’s curriculum. I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can develop creativity
as well
as
psychologically
it plays a vital role in one’s life.

The ability to create things
is considered
as a part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the child to build
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
intellectual capabilities. Creativity has a wide range, it can be a craft work, painting, drawings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth. These things increase the imagination power and enhance their cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Every child has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
talent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
need to sharpen their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
by practice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that can perform well. Along with
Consider adding a comma here.
it
they can even pursue this as a career in future too.
For example
, recent researches proves that those children who do practice in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
would perform better in all aspects of life.

Moreover
, this is a tool that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as anxiety,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
management
additionally
we can identify emotional disturbances through painting, drawing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sort of imagination. Every person either children or adult is facing difficulties and hardships in their life that might raise mental health problems such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, anxiety, depression and other phobias. By using these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
out the problem areas
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in controlling increasing issues.
For instance
, it has proven through studies that those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are suffering from any psychological issue can share their concerns more
easily
and can be better treated through by these techniques.

To conclude
, subject
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial that focuses on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which have indirect impact on person’s life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of mind
Possible spelling mistake found.
diversional
activity
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary for the well-being. Henceforth, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
in the school courses.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people say that art is an essential subject and every child should learn it in school. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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